Runneth-Over

Latest Shenanigans

2012-02-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Amelia- My Sweet Amelia!! You are a chattering, daring, giving angel!!! You have too many words to count now (of course I will still try in a separate post), but the best part is that you gesture very adult-like with your hands while monologuing now. It is PRECIOUS!!! You finally named Sylas, Sy-see. You jump off of furniture taller than you for a thrill. You easily and without danger help yourself methodically out of your crib. We put you in it, turn around to leave (a trick that has worked for a year and half), reach back to grab the door behind us and there you are-- walking a step behind, sucking your thumb. We are in the middle of getting you into a big girl bed and it's not going so hot, mostly because there's no door you can't walk through (sliding, knob, lever handle, bring it!) and you are the WORLD'S biggest cling on lately, latched -like -a -monkey -til -we -are -both -sweaty -cling on! Besides a baby gate for four months, we've never had to child proof before because you or your brother have never been destructive and can easily take a no, but I have a feeling you won't be deterred in this regard. You tell me every time you pee or poop so we have been sitting you on the potty. No success yet, but I figure if you're telling me that you just went, we might as well. You are so giving and gentle with animals and babies and friends and most especially your brother. I was sitting at an indoor playground the other day and couldn't quite see you and your brother although I knew you were playing with a little baby, and it occurred to me how grateful I was that I didn't have to check that you both were playing nice. I knew you were. It's who you are. (There was one tiny little exception when you decided your cousin Patrick was going to steal everything you owned including your soul and first born and you wouldn't let him even eat without hounding him, but besides that...) You love anything kitchen related. You have some pots and pans and fake food that you prefer to be carrying all day everyday. You love filling a grocery cart or a purse. Your brother still appreciates your dolls more than you. You really love Maya and snuggle up to her, give her gentle pats and hugs, and feed her anything you have extra. You shriek in excitement when you see animals of any kind and somehow I just think this is indicative of the size of your heart. You make my heart sing, Millie. I love love love you.

Sylas- Sylas! You get funnier everyday with your understandings and explanations. You told me the other day that Mommy and Daddy got married because of love and you think you are going to marry yourself. You would marry Millie but she can't because she has to be a mommy one day when she gets big. You aren't going to be a daddy you are just going to be tall like Uncle Dood and eat gum and get surprises. Fair enough. Potty training is tricky. You do great. Until we put on clothes. Then you pee in them. Our lifestyles haven't really allowed us to spend multiple days hanging around the house naked, but we are working on it. I feel like I missed a window. Before we left to Honduras and in the middle of moving to Texas you were very interested and I put it off because our circumstances were so... not conducive. I'm not anxious about it, I think I just like the idea of starting way earlier to avoid all the two year old, almost three year old opinions and preferences. You insist that pee and poop just hide all the time, tricky little devils. You love the movie Tangled and you have a great appreciation in general for good movies. I should probably not like this, but you are so interactive while you watch what you love, always asking open ended questions about how they feel and what will happen next and so far you really have had good taste in what you choose to watch multiple times (Veggie Tales, Toy Story, Elmo in Grouchland, and now Tangled). You are a sensitive little guy and we are so thankful. Time outs work really well for you and as you are starting to assert more of your independence as you get closer to three ("terrible" twos have been easy in comparison to what I fear may be around the corner) we are thankful that you can so easily be broken hearted about a simple closed door. You are such a good brother, Sylas. You never do anything for yourself that you don't think of her. I never do anything for you that you don't make sure that I have thought of her too. You smile at her admiringly as she becomes the center of attention with one of her antics. You are so giving and humble. Your dad and I talk about how pleased we are with your nature, your confident, giving, thoughtful nature all the time. There's some stat out there that says your personality is firmly in place by three and I think it's a good sign that upon hearing that I sigh a sigh of relief instead of inhale a worried breath of panic that time is running out to get the kinks worked out. We are letting your hair grow out and it has quite a mind of it's own. You will be the envy of everyone you go to high school with. We talk often about what a lady killer you will be. Between your eyelashes, your curls, your strong throwing arm, the way you rock a guitar, and your sensitive spirit and thoughtfulness no lady stands a chance! And certainly not this one. I am all yours, Sylas Justin!

The pair of you and your love for each other makes everyday so much fun. Here's some of the latest....

Together, always together, you come up with a plan...

If it involves Millie playing drums naked into her adolesence...

I WILL lock her up.

You two have yoga moves! Warrior 1

Lately y'all LOVE to pretend to sleep together. You both have very convincing fake snores.

Here you pretend to sleep with my yoga mat as your blanket.

Why not, really?

Millie won't let go of my fingers. Oh, I've mentioned this? Well, once isn't enough! It's constant!

If I deprive her, she'll find her toe if she has to.

Sylas colored on the wall with his markers.

Here he explains that he had to because he had to "draw the whole world that God made and the whole world wouldn't fit on paper".

And yes, that's what you think it is. The joys of motherhood.

Revealing

2012-02-07T19:31:00.001-08:00

We decided we wanted to find out the sex of our third. We didn't find out with Sylas or Amelia and it was AMAZING, but since we had done that twice and had one of each we decided it would be fun to have the chance to experience it both ways. And, people that find out say it's so much fun to be able to talk and bond with the baby before he or she is even here. A head start of sorts.

But we like surprises, we like parties, and we wanted the reveal to be as special as that poignant moment in the hospital room when we saw for ourselves. It was! Here's how it went down:

We went to the doctor. We told her (at 17 weeks) that we had family coming in town (Puskars) and wanted to have a party of sorts to celebrate the sex of the baby and could she please tell us even though it is technically kind of early and we had another 20 week appointment in only a week. Prettttty please. We didn't have to beg at all even though we were prepared to. She was very very sweet and also, like Dr. Gill, shows us the baby every time we go in which has been an awesome surprise. So, we explained that we didn't want to actually know the sex and instead just wanted her to write it down. Our plan was to have Beef ice either a pink or blue cake for us to cut into at a reveal party so it would be a surprise to everyone except Beef. After Dr. Hibbs looked a bit, she went to her desk to write it down, came back and looked at the baby a little more and said this: "Wow this little baby is moving around all over the place! She is active." My heart sank. I didn't want to find out that way! Seth and I looked at each other, disappointed that she had kind of ruined our party idea-- for us, anyway. We didn't tell anyone that she slipped so the party could be fun for everyone else at least.

However, she was just confirming what we already knew anyway. When we first found out that we were pregnant I was certain that it was a boy, but as time had gone by I was starting to have girl feelings. For one thing, I couldn't get enough sweets and the fact that Shipleys has a drive through is so rude. I had never been pregnant in Texas before! Aaaand, I had fallen in LOVE with the name Francesca. And then quickly so did everyone else in the family. That I loved this name so much and was so certain about it (in the past we have agonized over names) just felt like a sign that SHE was our Francesca. If we were going to have three kids we really wanted Millie, if she was going to be stuck in the middle, to be the only girl, but somehow the name Francesca made the thought of another girl exciting. And now we had confirmation from our very serious, kind of reserved doctor who had slipped and told us rather anti-climactically and unceremoniously that our baby was a "she".

We took a poll from the family and the fact that everyone was guessing girl even further confirmed it for us. The only people that thought it was a boy were Katie, Andrea, Johna, and our niece Suzanne.

Here Uncle Mike arrives with cake secured. We had a guest who has been known to go digging in the sweets before "go time". :)

We had a yummy dinner...

...while the cake was guarded because not only was there a 3 year old with a sweet tooth, but there was also a ruthlessly nosey Grammy lurking about with zero patience.

The cake stared at us!

People wore pink or blue.

I wore neither, Seth wore both. We got everyone online and on the phone who wanted to partcipate: this was Johna in my ear, Sonia and Katie on facetime with Kristen, and the Bigelows on Skype. Ready, set, cut!!

This picture didn't turn out, but I love our faces, especially Seth's.

No way!!!!!

Doctor Hibbs' note that we mailed to Kristen.

Happy happy momma and daddy!!!

Having family to share the moment you find out what you're having was so very special to us.

Taaaaa dah!!!!

We love you little boy!!!!

Last Christmas Tidbit

2012-02-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

Besides a couple of fun dinner dates with friends and some visitors our Christmas and New Years was pretty laid back. Seth had to work over Christmas weekend so we celebrated early and loved every last second of our family time. Christmas just gets more and more fun every year the better the kids understand it. Sy ended up LOVING this cartoon, documentary type of movie about the birth of Jesus that might have been made when God actually was a boy, and we were so pleased to answer all of his questions. Also, I learned a valuable lesson about Christmas lights. Don't judge people who leave them up all year until you've hung them yourself. It wasn't quite a movie scene (Clark Griswold is coming to mind), but I did apologize (in spirit) to 4703 because mine just might be blazing in April too. I jest, they're down, but it's only because of my husband. The kids spent the actual holiday with Grammy and Pops and got spoiled right up. They now have a drum set. Ahem. That Millie "plays". Naked. We're hoping she keeps this trick to her toddler years. Millie's favorite toy was her tricycle. Sy's favorite toy was an airplane which he asked for and Millie's tricycle. We celebrated our anniversary and New Years with the Kelly's at their house with an amazingly fancy dinner. Seth and I have been married six years and feel so very very blessed to be more in love than ever. You know how a song can trigger a memory or a time in life and all of a sudden you're right there in that moment. Well, I discovered that something similar for me is the sound of a garage door opening. It's such a beautiful sound to me and immediately makes me giddy and it's because while living in Rochester our garage was attached to our kitchen where I was preparing dinner when Seth would get home. I can hear that sound and immediately feel the jump in my heart of "he's home!!". Well, we don't have an attached garage anymore, but we do have a gravel driveway. So the sound has changed, but the jump in the heart hasn't. I love you, boyfriend. Christmas blessings were abundant this year!

Lastly, I just wanted to share segments of some of our missionary friends' Christmas newsletters because I'm amazed by them. I've always done a great job of surrounding myself with people better than me (I like to learn and grow) and this is lovely proof that I take it seriously. We are so blessed to know these people, to have served at Loma de Luz and to be going back in March. Feel free to check out their website http://www.crstone.org/

One friend:

Recently I was finishing a day of clinic when a nurse told me, “Come quick, a man’s been shot.” Outside, in the bed of a truck was a young man, already dead from a gunshot wound through the neck. Not much to do but wait for the police. But the Good Samaritan who brought him in needed his truck back, so we took him inside, which was better, as a crowd of curious bystanders had gathered. He was a bill collector for a business supplying goods to small vendors in the area, and his distraught partner was grief-stricken but safe and without significant injury. Later, when some family members of the dead man arrived they began to tell us his story: a strong Christian who went to other towns to preach the gospel, working for a family business. They made a comment that caught my interest: “He was such a good Christian, why did he have to die?” Are we as Christians immune from the danger of the world? In time I was able to share w/ the family 1 Thes 4:13: “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have NO HOPE.” This man’s death is a tragedy, but his life was not. His family can rest assured that he is w/ his Savior, rejoicing. After police arrived and were inquiring of the family, it became clear that I and a staff member had to clean the body, as the police wouldn’t and the family was too distraught. As I worked w/ my brother-in-Christ to clean him, I really got a sense of God working through me, loving this man and his family. I have never cleaned a body and may never do so again, but that day I knew God had appointed me for that task. I heard it said that the early Church was known for 3 things: honesty, charity, and care for the dead. In a place where life is sometimes cheap, God used Tomas and me to show what this man was worth, even in death. A strangely great day.

Another friend:

Christmas is a time for happy stories. This so often defines our dilemma. We want to reach out to our friends and family (especially around the holidays) and tell them how wonderful we are and how great things are going. But, very often, that doesn't begin to tell the whole story of our lives and our service here at Hospital Loma de Luz. To be sure, we are well. We are in good health and we have so much for which to be thankful. But our hearts are also very sad. In a place where sad stories are the norm, there have been more of them than normal here lately. The local Honduran community here has experienced great loss and grief asso- ciated with the death (in a very tragic way) of a local Honduran family that lived in close proximity to the hos- pital. Still other local families have loved ones that are very sick. As I write these words, a local woman, whom we've come to know and love, is suffering in the hospital with a grave heart condition. (Update: this lady passed away later that same night. Dave helped to care for her in her death and tried to assist the family in the hours after her death.) In another part of the country, two North American missionaries, whom we did not know, have died recently, one due to an accident and one due to violence. Finally, several of our missionary families here at Loma de Luz are struggling with the loss of loved ones or a significant illness.

Christmas is a time for reflection. For some Christians, the Christmas season is observed through a series of four weeks of reflection and repentance called Advent. Although this newsletter will arrive long after Advent begins, the ideas of reflection and repentance that Advent embraces are still worthwhile to consider. In many ways sad stories like those we've described above serve to remind us of the greatest need of humanity, the need for a Savior. If the need didn't exist, or if the need weren't so great, then we wouldn't really have anything to celebrate. If Christ came only to live a moral life and be a good moral teacher then we would barely have reason to

celebrate Christmas at all. But if Christ came at the behest of God, because the need is so great—because of such tragic stories as these—to be our Sacrifice, to be our Healer, to be our Redeemer, then indeed we have something incredible to celebrate! Something that is worth all of the fuss of Christmas and worth far more than that—worth our lives.

We suspect that we're not the only ones struggling through sad stories this Christmas season. Perhaps some of you are also wondering where the happy stories are this season. We’d like to encourage you to take the time to reflect on the happiest story that has ever been told—the incredible truth that God shares our sorrows, every one of them. In His compassion, He sent His Son to redeem humanity and to finish the story. We know that every story has its end in Jesus. He is the Great Redeemer and He wants to redeem the sad stories in your life both for your benefit and for His glory.

Christmas is a time for repentance. The tradition of Advent wouldn't be complete without a time of

repentance. Perhaps we've had a role to play in why some stories in our lives are so sad. Perhaps we’ve messed things up beyond our ability to fix, mend, or repair. The wonderful truth is that God the Father has, through the Advent (coming) of His Son, fixed, mended, and repaired that which we cannot. The proper response to such a gift is to repent—turn away form our mistakes—and believe—in the One that God sent. We pray that as you reflect you are blessed with peace in every story in your life, with health, and with the certain knowledge that God loves you!

Christmas Spirit

2012-01-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

The things merry and bright this year that helped us celebrate the season...

Frilly outfits for dates with Santa.

Birthday cakes for Jesus.

Homemade marshmallows and molasses cookies.

Daddy making sure the kids' wheels are in mint condition for Christmas morning.

So very blessed and that much more grateful for presents from near and far under a decorated tree.

Greetings and warm winter wishes from friends and family. (If you don't see your card it's because this was taken early and is only about half, not because we didn't put it up!)

Our family's own Christmas love sent over the years. Minus a lost one.

Presents for some sweet Angels we adopted for Salvation Army Giving Tree.

Boots like his big brother.

Marveling over the baby Jesus in Gramma Bevy's nativity scene.

Silly mommies in matching onesies helping cousins decorate cookies in matching pajamas after watching the old timey Rudolph.

Weekends with Grammy and Pops.

And love notes from Daddy.

This is what Christmas was made of!!!

Santa

2012-01-05T07:19:00.001-08:00

I do not hate Santa. I repeat, I do not hate Santa. I love Santa! I appreciate his joy and these days I very much appreciate someone with a belly likened to a bowl full of jelly. When we see him in the mall we wave, we watch stories about him on tv and read about him in books, and describe him in our house as someone who learned a great deal from Jesus. But I admit that I am having a very hard time lying to Sylas about reindeer and chimneys and mysterious presents delivered in the wee hours and someone watching him to see if he's naughty or nice. I know that this makes me unAmerican, unconventional and perhaps downright unpopular, but I just can't do it!!!! It just doesn't feel right and yet I know how much fun this is for... well everyone. My mom was the kind of mom who when you prefaced something "I want the truth..." you were gonna get it. (And beware!) Consequently, I knew about all kinds of things probably before I needed to, certainly before I wanted to, and definitely before my classmates' parents wanted me to. I told their kids all kinds of good stuff. You're welcome. But Mom was not gonna tell a lie, not if you wanted the truth. Amen to that.

I very much believe in believing in something that you can't see or touch. I very much adore the preparation of a thoughtful gift right down to the ribbon making the perfect bow. And I have never found greater joy than watching the kids study the bike and car under the tree this year and look at Seth and I with looks that wondered if it was actually all for them. I love Santa! I love that he was so giving and loved little children and the magic that went along with truly delighting someone, but why does he have to sneak into our house delivered by flying reindeer? I mean, doesn't it all just seem kind of silly? And isn't naughty or nice and coal and all that jazz kind of completely, like, oh, the exact opposite of the gospel? Grrrrrr, I annoy myself, just put out the darn cookies and leave the note!

I'm afraid this next sentence will make me sound cynical and mean, and maybe I was as a grade schooler, but as I listened to all my classmates get excited about the cookies and carrots they were leaving (for REINDEER. who FLY.) or the key they were hiding in the bushes in case Santa couldn't fit down their tiny little chimney, I couldn't help but question their IQ. I know it's so rude. But I just can't do it, y'all. I just can't tell this fib. Not when the truth is so very very fantastic and quite magical enough. And luckily for me this is how our kids feel about Santa up close and personal right now. Joy to the world, folks.

PS- Please give me permission to change my mind if next year all Sylas and Millie want to do is give cookies and carrots to reindeer. Who fly.

Bye Bye Bicky

2012-01-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, maybe two, I was changing Amelia's diaper and I had a perfect view into her mouth as she was laughing or screaming, I can't remember which, and I saw that her top two front teeth had disappeared. Like, they weren't there. After a moment of panicking thinking that the girl had knocked out her front teeth during one of her shenanigans and didn't care to let anyone know, I investigated further and saw yucky stuff.

Amelia only had four teeth (two top and two bottom) at the time and was working on two more on top, but they were taking forever to come in. And what was surrounding them looked ga-rossss. Ok, I'll just say it, pus. They had pus around them. I then realized that her top teeth had not in fact disappeared but were just hidden from the swelling of her gums. I don't know which was more distressing- the thought of her having knocked them out Rocky style, or a nasty gross white infection in there. I was on the phone immediately searching for a dentist for a girl with barely any teeth.

We went to the dentist. (Amelia still hasn't forgiven me). I found out that it was not an infection, but instead just BAD gingivitis because I had not been brushing her teeth, only rubbing her mouth with one of those rubber finger hat thingys (sometimes) or just rubbing it out with a rag (hardly ever). She only had four teeth, y'all!! Gimme a break. Anyway, turns out I needed to get more aggressive with the brush brush brushing to toughen up her gums. Also turns out the white stuff was not pus, but dead tissue (perfect!) that needed sloughing off with a good brushing. (I'm gonna pass out.) Also turns out pus is a "medical term" (he told me this) and here I thought it was just something Ronnie Brantner said in 6th grade math class to watch my gag reflex go. ALSO turns out that "the paci isn't helping anything," and with that we were done. Done. Cold turkey. Zero bickies in the house.

This has affected our house in the following ways. 1) The kids have always been complimented for being well behaved, angel babies. It's true that they are laid back. It's also true that they were pacified. So now, without the bickies, I just have heathens like most everyone else. Kids cry a lot. Who knew? 2) Amelia has become a cling on. She, who wanted nothing to do with cuddling pre paci pack up, follows me around clinging on my leg insisting on being held. Once I pick her up, she latches on like a baby monkey, appendages tight around my body, grabs my hand and sticks my third finger (either hand will do) in her mouth. Why her own fingers do not suffice, she will not say. I rather enjoy this turn around from her, but it does affect my productivity around the house. She may have gotten rid of the monkey on her back but she gave one to me and there's only so much you can do with it sucking on your fingers. 3) Sylas, who was a total arm kneading, cuddle bug, now wants nothing to do with us. He's off. Laps and forearm tendons are just a distant memory and I was not prepared to say goodbye to this. I didn't know I would have to! And, he's a little peeved with Millie for getting a gunky mouth and ruining all the bicky fun.

All in all, it took about five days before Sy quit moaning the word "biiiiiickieeeee" as though he was mourning a lost love or sick with a stomach bug. Millie has taken it harder than Sylas. This has been surprising to us. She has since started to use her thumb here and there although it remains a very distant second to my ring finger. This is distressing to us. Of course we worry about her teeth, but I have just always thought that sucking your thumb was such a germy thing to do. Having a bicky? Downright sterile! Obviously.

Pregnancy Scare

2011-12-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

It was the day before Thanksgiving and Justin, Seth, my dad, and I had just scoped out THE PERFECT tailgating spot for the last A&M/ tu game where the next day a bunch of people would be gathering, cheering and generating complete with flat screens and microwaves. The perfect spot was necessary and we spent some thoughtful time getting it right.

On the way home I was sitting in the back with Dood and I really had to pee. I told Seth to step on it. We were almost home when I felt four HUGE gushes. Huge. I sat there silent, wondering if I had actually peed on myself. It seemed way too early in the pregnancy for that and I think I still felt like I had to pee. When we got home I stayed in the back seat and whispered to Seth that I thought I was bleeding, a lot. He was quick to problem solve with a tampon or something and then remembered I was 12 weeks pregnant. He looked at me with worried recognition. We went inside, I sat on the toilet, and quickly filled it with bright red blood. A lot of it. Seth was pale and shaking his head and telling me that this was not good. I knew that. Not to be graphic, but I filled another toilet bowl. And another. I rushed making phone calls trying to find a doctor who could see me late, the day before Thanksgiving. As we shared with our family that something was wrong, it became an interesting sociology experiment-- the women huddled, prayed and tried to figure out what could be going on that maybe, just maybe, wasn't the worst, and the boys, they scattered.

I told everyone that I had an OK feeling about it and whatever was happening, I, we, were going to be OK. I could feel it. On the way to our appointment that OK feeling started to subside as I remembered that the baby kept measuring small. I worried quietly as we waited in the waiting room and Seth looked pale with his arm tightly around me.

I trust God for the big things in life (I sometimes have trouble with the smaller more annoying things), but the big things are easier for me to turn over. And, if God was going to take this baby, I felt that I would find a way to make peace with it. BUT. I was 12 weeks pregnant and I had seen this baby in its early little gummy bear stages and then seen him or her turning into a baby who did jumping jacks. My heart broke thinking of those jumping jacks. How I had celebrated those jumping jacks!

I didn't have an OK feeling at all anymore. There was nothing else to explain all this blood. I imagined the worst and let my mind run wild with it. I thought of the hope we had for that little wisp of a spirit, the smallest presence, our baby. And then the great great loss of it. So then what? All this grief hauled about and no where to put it down? When people are alive and in our lives there are customs, ways to talk about it, worn paths to follow for this sort of thing, but there was no prototype for this. I kept thinking that at 12 weeks I would have to deliver this baby somehow. I couldn't get past that thought without leaving the waiting room to go to the bathroom to cry in private. I shook crying thinking that this surprise baby had surprised me. And I wasn't joyful enough about him or her. I hadn't celebrated enough. And now here we were. I was the one who did this. And I didn't even have the comfort of knowing that if I was in fact losing this baby that at least the only thing it had ever felt was love! I needed at least that. This was all my fault. If not for all of those reasons then probably because I was sick the previous two days and didn't drink enough water or eat enough, and I sure hadn't been getting the sleep my body was telling me to get. How I prayed in that stall for more chances.

A doctor we had never met came into our room inappropriately jovial asking how we were today, this beautiful day before Thanksgiving. He read our mood immediately and went right to work. He turned the screen toward himself. That stung. Seth stood at my head. We gripped hands, white knuckled. We both studied the doctor's face for an agonizing full minute before he finally spoke. We hung on every letter, every syllable. They came out in slow motion. He said, "Well, there's good news. The baby looks fine," as he turned the screen for us to see a little baby doing his or her signature jumping jacks. The doctor was still talking but I wasn't listening, I was weeping. He was saying something about having a placenta previa which would require a c-section. He could have been saying that I would have to deliver the baby through my nose and that would have been just fine. All I cared about was that this baby was healthy and happy enough to do jumping jacks. He quickly left the room so I could get dressed, so we could celebrate, and hug, and thank God. He told us he'd be back soon because he wanted to show us some pictures of what may be going on with my placenta. When he came back into the room he was shepherding us into another room saying, "Get in here, you HAPPY people!!!!" Seth and I called each other "you HAPPY people" for the next several days.

And so, I may or may not have placenta previa. It's too soon to tell. My regular doctor is skeptical since I have not bled since at all and my uterus is still too small at this point to see anything definite. We will know more at my 20 week appointment in three weeks.

Here's what I know now. I cherish this baby. I have never been happier to be pregnant. I can't wait to see him or her again with new love, a new intensity of love and thanks. I've been much more diligent about caffeine and prenatals knowing that all I'm really trying to do is prove my devotion. It's awful the things we women do to ourselves when that tragic thing happens, blaming ourselves and our fearfully and wonderfully made bodies for that invisible phenomenon. How God must grieve with us and for us when we do that. My mama heart grew bigger this month and for that I am both thankful and worried. There is nothing more breakable than a mama heart.

I didn't have a miscarriage. And I want to be sympathetic to those who have. I don't think that I know how it feels because I thought that I might have one. I am sure that I don't. I only dealt with that undiluted sorrow in my thoughts and not in my day to day. I pray for my precious friends and family to find peace for their hurts. Trials have a way of digging up the soil of our hearts, but "God is near to the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (psa 147:3)

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

Football, food, family, fellowship, festivity, fires, if shopping started with "f" Thanksgiving would be fffffflawless and the perfect holiday. I love Thanksgiving and I am so thankful that our family has chosen this holiday to celebrate "us". Justin, Johna, Dakota, Donna, and my parents all got together for five days and it was just as perfect as I remember from last year. There is something about our combination that brings out the best, most relaxed version of all of us and we cherish it.

These pictures are all out of order and some how I have zero pictures of our amazing dinner. I think we're just too excited and eat instead of marvel.

Essentially, we watched a lot of football, we tailgated like superstars, watched some Beer Pong pros and scratched our heads whether or not to be proud of their victory. We saw an amazing show of lights piled in the back of a truck, ate lots of turkey and oversized burritos, christened our fireplace, and Black Friday shopped. We talked until late, prayed over the littlest of babies, watched a movie, ignored alarm clocks, played lots of toddler games, and appreciated the depth and comfort of family.

The only thing missing was an Aggie victory--it still hurts too bad to talk about. Thank goodness the Cowboys won, otherwise Donna wouldn't have been able to cheer the rest of us up and that she always does. I couldn't brine my own turkey because my pregnancy was making this big raw featherless bird and it's cavities a bit too much for me. I almost ordered pizzas but then Johna stepped in and did the dirty work. It was a fantastic recipe, however, and my sweet family is still talking about it. We also had a cranberry brisket and it was just OK. I did it much better a couple of years ago but I don't know what the difference was except that this year I had to cook it over night which I thought would've made it better. The other thing missing was Taylor who kept us giggling last year and always adds so much to a home. SO, with an Aggie win, a little less nausea, better brisket, and a goofy Taylor this Thanksgiving wouldn't have even been earthly.

I love Thanksgiving and all it means for me.

Pregnancy Thrice

2011-12-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

Whoah Nelly, this pregnancy has not been like the other two. With Sy I had fatigue and headaches in the first trimester, and one Twizzler and Whoppers induced migraine episode that had me in the fetal position, but mostly effortless besides that. With Amelia I had fatigue and headaches in the first trimester, and two barfing episodes-- one, a bug, the other, Indian food-- Millie does NOT like curry. But other than that, I worked out until the last second and frequently forgot I was preggie until 41.5 weeks came and then I worried I'd be pregnant forever. I've described my two pregnancies as "effortless" often, however, I had glimpses of what it was like to feel bad too and therefore appreciated how seldom I felt like I wanted to find an Ambien that lasted for nine months or 41.5 weeks, whatever.

But this time!, I wanted to find an Ambien that lasted for nine months or 41.5 weeks, whatever. Not to mention I started showing at 9 weeks which is way too early to convince yourself that the extra stuff you're looking at is actually a baby.

I felt much better once I hit the 13 week mark. (I'm now 16 weeks.) But until then, holy moly, the fatigue. The fatigue! There needs to be another word. "Fatigue" doesn't generate near the sympathy that this thing I had deserved. I wanted to crawl into a hole and hibernate. PBS Kids literally raised my children for three whole months of their lives and I'm just hoping that they will forget just how pesky that Curious George is. I think I may have had depression too which I had never experienced before. I never actually barfed but had nausea frequently. It was a rough three months. I had to explain to Sylas that I had a baby in my belly that was making me feel very tired because he was noticing how much time I was spending on the couch. That breaks my heart.

And then, to the day, when week 12 was over, VOILA!, I was back. I could eat again, brush my teeth without gagging, had energy to run errands and play with my kids, and felt a little more hopeful that a third sweet baby wouldn't push me over the edge. And, 13 weeks is plenty enough time to blame the results of all the holiday eating on a sweet growing baby.

It is amazing what adequate sleep and good health can do for your mood. Seth and I couldn't be more thrilled about our sweet growing baby and there's something really magical about being pregnant at the holidays. I feel vitally important and so thoroughly woman and very very very blessed. A grand adventure has begun!

I'm at that annoying stage of pregnancy where it just looks like I had too much pizza.

Kiddos

2011-12-23T23:38:00.001-08:00

SYLAS 33 months-

Sylas: (while holding my bra like a sling shot) Sylas starts with an S, Millie starts with an M, Mommy starts with an M too, and Daddy starts with a 5. Don't worry (now referring to the bra he has aimed at me) this won't poke your eye out.

Sylas: Mommy, can we watch Toy Story tonight?

Me: Well, let's see what happens when Daddy gets home.

Sylas: OK, but what happens is that I say: Let's watch Toy Story and then we watch it.

Sylas: Mommy, what are you doing?

Me: I am folding Daddy's underwear.

Sylas: Whyyyyyy?

Me: Because I love him.

Sylas: I yove him too. (Picks up pair of underwear and "folds" them.)

You adore your baby sister and vacillate between wanting a new brother or another sister named Millie Bop. You shepherd and guide her, you protect her, you rub her head in affection and even though she hates it you can't help yourself. The other day I allowed you a piece of candy and you took two. I asked you to put the second back and you flipped. I wasn't gonna let you win this one and you weren't prepared to lose. Through tears and snot and a red face, you finally said, "Mommy, it's for MILLIE BOP!!!!!" You are really concerned about my belly "popping out". You really don't want it to "pop out" and very animatedly tell me so. You put a lot of emphasis on my belly button when you say this and there is no telling what this may mean to you, but I have done my best to assure you that my belly getting bigger will not be messy or painful, not just yet anyway. You put dental floss under your shirt and gave birth to it.

You start many many sentences with "First of all" and "Yes but," your way of politely disagreeing, not that you always politely disagree. You ride a tricycle perfectly, are very impressive with a football, run with a game face-- shoulders high, elbows swinging, eyes narrowed, lips pursed. You LOVE school and have never, not once said you didn't want to go. They told me two weeks ago that you are starting to come out of your shell, a mere four months in. They love you there and tell me how sweet and gentle you are, such a sweet friend. You talk about a little girl named Zoe and call her your girlfriend. Things that make you the happiest are: gum, Toy Story 3, playing football, A&M Aggies, opi-meal, taking baths, fruit snacks, swings at a park, going to school, digging in the dirt, looking at animals, reading books, talking about trucks, riding bikes, finding bugs, and our family.

Sylas Justin, you are such a special little boy. Our love for you is immeasurable. You make us laugh so many times every single day. I often times pull over the car just to listen to you more closely because your talking and reasoning are so impressive and hysterical. That God made me your mom brings me to my knees in thanks.

MILLIE 17 months-

Millie, you are a mile a minute. You do unassisted front rolls with good form. You jump off of boxes 10 inches off the ground and land on both feet and raise your arms in celebration. You have a dismount! You jump off of the couch arm onto to the couch and land in a laughing heap. You go down 15 foot slides with audiences gathered in amazement and giggle all the way down. You love your riding toys. You sprint FAST. And you love monkey flips.

Your Uncle Dood taught you a scare game where y'all roar at each other for fun and now you don't look at a grown man where you don't roar in his face. I hope this sticks, and thanks Dood.

You love reading lately. It took a while to get into books which is why I think it has taken you a while to get talking. But now! You read books out loud to yourself and your favorite is Little White Fish because you can recite it. It's repetitive so you really feel special that you can do it. And it's one of my favorite things to watch you do.

You have the sweetest voice that I ever did hear and the way you pronounce things are just hilarious. You greet your brother in the morning with the smiliest, brightest "HIIIIII!!!". I think you said your first sentence. You handed me a piece of gum and said, "My gum". And, one morning two weeks ago you pointed toward your door and said "Go, peez". Sentences, right?! At Thanksgiving you walked around to all the pretty plates of food and said "OTTTT (blow), OTTT (blow), OTTTT (blow)". In addition to your old words- cow, moo, doggie, mama, go, ball, ball game, car, Pop, bird, Elmo, Diego, all done, more, no, hi, bye, night night, shoes, uh oh, phone-- you have many new words: bite (as in can I have a bite, not I will bite you, although you might), football, touchdown, maya (My-Ma!), Chaweee, fish, that (while pointing), please, thank you, fall (you do enough of this to know what it is), Pop, Mum (your name for Grammy), again, mine (unfortunately), baby! (you LOVE real babies, fake ones?- eh), Santa, hands, hot (very passionate about all things potentially hot), cup, gum, duck, nana (banana), book, bath, and diaper.

Not only are we finished breast feeding (16 months) but I also don't feed you anymore. I mean, like feed you myself. I feed you tons, you are SUCH a good eater, but you are now self sufficient with a spoon, fork and cup without a lid, cup with a straw, whatever, you can do it all and have been doing it all for a month or so (not the straw, we've done that since the beginning). Sylas was about nine months when he started feeding himself, BUT he didn't have the personality that would just dump out a bowl of apple sauce because he was curious how it would look somewhere else. I'm sad about your new independence. For one thing, it's messier, but for another I feel like your precious baby days are over. There's something about being responsible for your own cottage cheese and eating utensils that says, "move over, Mom."

You are so sweet, Millie. Your combination of sweet and strong makes my chest swell with pride. And I hope you never quit finding your joy and letting it show the beautiful way that you do. Your daddy and I are fools for you, Millie Bop. Our love for you is big and strong and a little bit scary.

Football with Friends and a Maniac

2011-12-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

I love football. I always have. It was the only reason I was a cheerleader. Well, that and it made good use of my only real skill which was doing a back flip. But I really do love it, football. I know when to look for the onside kick or run the option, I know when a ball is live or dead, what zone defense is, and can use the words "pick", "clip", and "horse collar " without sounding dumb (at least I don't think I sound dumb). And this is true of most girls I know, so I think it's a Texas thang. Regardless, this was quite a year for football. To say I really got into it this year would be an understatement. I didn't just watch our team (THAT was depressing), I watched teams that affected our team, and I learned SO MUCH more about the game than I already knew. AND I fell in L-O-V-E with RG3. Not to mention that living in a college town without the pressures of college (especially during football season) is AWESOME. I have zero midterms and zero blind dates. Fun fun fun.

We went to Pittsburgh to be with our dear friends right around Halloween time (yes I'm THAT far behind). The Brew Crew (we have not found another suitable name and sadly it seems as though this name coined by drunken high schoolers is going to stick despite the wives' best efforts to come up with our own clever puns that rhyme even!) was thrilled to reconnect for our yearly fest. Trevor is the strength and conditioning coach at Pittsburgh and this has some great perks. Namely seeing great games up close and personal. When I was little I remember seeing a professional basketball game and I think we must have had good seats because I remember being completely amazed by how huge they were. They were like giants to me. I was expecting something similar seeing football players up close and personal, but honestly I would say only 10% of them even looked athletic. The rest looked big and doughy. I was way more amazed by the bodies of the cheerleaders. But seeing cheerleaders up close isn't the only perk to Trevor doing what he does. Notice Seth's fancy official and important looking tag in the pic below, plus we talked for a good hour with the head coach and became buddies, and Trevor knows all kinds of coach gossip and we knew Sherman was getting fired before anyone else did, and finally we are collecting university gear from all his tours. Good stuff.

Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend catching up with old friends without babies around and we can't wait until next time. We shopped and laughed and cheered and celebrated almost victories and old friendships.

I am posting this against his will, but it could be worse, it could've been on facebook for my 500 friends to see, it could've been on youtube and gone viral, instead it's just the 7 people that follow this blog (sssshhhhh), but please watch this 9 second video of my dad and see how I came by my love of football naturally. Although I am laying emotionless in the corner, it has nothing to do with a lack of ardor, but everything to do with first trimester funk, but the real beauty of MY lack of reaction to HIS reaction is that it proves how completely "normal" it is. This is the good stuff.

Halloween 2011

2011-12-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

I don't know how these costumes happened except that I always thought it would be fun to see my mom in a blue wig and my husband in tights. The boys were super heroes. Seth- Superman, Sy- Spiderman, and Pop- Beer Man. And the girls were Cat in the Hat themed. Me- the Cat, Mom and Millie- Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Sy had recently gotten excited about Spiderman so it was an obvious costume choice for him and fun to see him pretend. Thing 1 and Thing 2 sounded like a fun Thing to do but with Sy out that left a grown up to be one of the Things and I don't look good in blue, Seth has an aversion to hair, and Dad was born a Beer Man with a wig of his own. Our costumes were great and we had a great time dressing up, but we will need to revamp our tradition a bit. It turns out our neighborhood doesn't have many (if any!) kids in it and we were the only ones out that night. Our neighbors were DELIGHTED to have us since we were their first trick or treaters in ten years and gave us their whole bags of candy. We had a couple of invitations to friends' houses in different neighborhoods and next year we will take them up on that.

I loved watching Sy get into Halloween this year and enjoy a costume. And Millie so happily wearing that blue wig was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. It was a quiet but happy Halloween!!!!

Tick Tock

2011-12-07T13:42:00.000-08:00

Sylas and Seth have a game. It's called tick tock. It looks like this: Seth picks Sy up by his hands and swings him pendulum style while Seth says tick... tock. Sy isn't exactly adventurous and if he could read I wouldn't say that because I don't want to define him or give his little two year old self labels when there is so much time to be whatever he wants to be, adventurous or not. All that to say Sy has really enjoyed going on higher and higher tick tocks which we encourage because it's nice to see him live on the wild side every now and then.

Seth came home from work early one day and was playing with Sy before he had to go back in. As they ticked and tocked, Sy was feeling brave and he kept asking for higher and higher. Seth and I were impressed until we heard this God awful grinding sound and Sy's screaming. It was his elbow.

After calming down from the initial shock, Sy was fine, albeit whiney, as long as he didn't have to move it. I held him, he sniffled and cupped his elbow, and Seth vomitted. Not really, but he was pale and looked terrible and was walking around cussing at himself wanting to beat his own self up. Suspecting a nurse maid's elbow (now in this house referred to as an NME) Seth tried to reduce it and found that torturing other people's children is just fine, but your own?, completely intolerable. Turns out he wasn't so good at popping his own son's bones back into place. So, we took him to the ER.

They did the same thing Seth did at home with the same result. Usually a successful reduction should leave the patient feeling better, but Sy was still in a good deal of pain. So they took xrays and found nothing conclusive. Sadly, being at the ER was a little like a date. We sat around and waited and caught up and talked about things and minus the sad toddler in my lap and the smell of something very sanitary, I could have easily convinced myself we were at sushi.

SO, we had to go to another doctor (an orthopedist) and take more xrays a couple of days later which still didn't show anything. But because he still screamed like a banshee when we took off the splint they decided to cast it even though there didn't appear to be a break.

Sy likes a cast. He never complained about it, not one time. He wore it for two weeks like a champ never letting it slow him down. And when it came off, the second it came off, it was like nothing ever happened so something definitely healed.

Daddy promises not to come home for lunch and break a kid's arm ever again and now those two play "modified tick tock" (and he asks just like that, "Daddy, I wanna play modified tick tock!") where Sy sits in Daddy's arms and swings like a tick tock.

Three Muskateers

2011-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

After some time apart and then some time together ( the huuuuzband and me) I realized that I had gotten off on my days and we totally high fived in the danger zone. I can't explain this. It's not that I am not a spacey person, I have my moments, and everyone that loves me has helped me find my keys, wallet, purse, cell phone, children at one point or another. BUT, I do NOT space on that. I just don't. It's actually kind of my thing. I got really good at knowing exactly what's what when we were trying for so long to have Sy. I'm also the person that can tell you what time it is plus or minus three minutes all the time anytime and has never used an alarm clock in my whole life. Point is-- I don't just lose multiple days people!!!!! Well, I did in mid- September.

So, I start freaking out. Seth starts chuckling.

He says, "Look, statistically we are NOT pregnant."

I say, "STATISTICS??!! Seriously??? We are statistic freaks!!! I'm totally pregnant."

So days pass. I start testing right away because I can't not. Of course they're all negative. I know better. Then five days after, I get a migraine and puke. The migraine isn't that unusual, but puking certainly is.

That afternoon I take the last of my dollar store tests and I swear it comes out smudged. So I can't read it. I take a poll with my camera phone. Everyone says it is definitely positive, but what my Blackberry can't tell them is that the smudge is darkest at it's outer edge that only resembles a line and isn't truly a line. This called for back up.

My mom and I went to the real store to get a real test. No smudge. Totally stark white where that faint little line should be. A definite no.

Oh. Oh. What's this I feel? Sad? Is this deep disappointing sadness I feel? Am I rooting with all my silent might for that little line to show up? Indeed. Indeed, I am! I guess I want a baby! And by the feel of it, like really bad! Well, this just got more fun because I don't care what the test says, I know I'm pregnant.

Anyway, long story short, I tested again and it finally came out the way I knew it would. Seth was at work and the kids and I and a few special people helped me figure out how to tell Seth.

Off to the store to buy some loot.

For dinner that night I made a three bean salad, three cheese tortellini, twice baked potatoes that I said I had to bake three times. Waiting for him to get there was the hardest part.

Yay!!!! Daddy's home. He was sweetly clueless when I told him about our somewhat odd menu.

Until I brought out a Three Muskateer's bar for dessert. That's when he got it.

Oh, happy days!

Baby or no baby, that is the question?

2011-12-01T19:40:00.001-08:00

Here are some conversations I have had about the number of children to bless our household.

Sweet Friend: How many kids ya gonna have? You all done?

Me: You know, here's the deal-- I like two. But I feel like we should have more because I'm not maxed out.

SF: Why in the world would you want to be maxed out?

Me: Yessssss!!!! Yes, why? You're good, you!!!!

Another Sweet Friend: You and Seth are such great parents, I feel like you should have at least a minivan full. Look at all that space you're not using.

Me: You know, here's the deal-- I feel perfectly challenged. Not too much, certainly not too little. I feel perfectly in touch with my marriage and loved ones and other things that make me feel like a real person who doesn't just sweep the floor and match socks. Not to mention I finally started getting real sleep again. Yet, I feel like another kid could throw this balancing act I'm doing right on it's arse. And there's not enough room in the grocery cart kid holder thingy. And that's scary.

ASF: I don't think it works that way. I think a good balancer can balance all sorts of chaos.

Me: See, chaos!!! That's what I'm talking about!! I don't want that. My house is calm and peaceful and really quite the haven most days, but I really see how just. one. more. being. can make it all go haywire.

(Just then Amelia runs through the living room holding an electrical knife that she has found in the very back of a cupboard where she and Sy like to play hide and seek. Sylas is chasing her with a spoon yelling, "Millie is a little horsey and I am a COWBOY!!!!" while he tries to rope her.)

ASF: (Raises eyebrows, clears throat, sips coffee) Yes, truly a haven.

Me: Touche.

Sweet Husband: I think we should have more babies.

Me: Huh?

SH: No really, just two more.

Me: TWO more? What about no more?

SH: Fine, three more.

Me: I don't think that's how negotiation works. What's the deal with four anyway? Is it because you're one of four?

SH: NO! It's cuz I want TEN and I figure four is the best I can do!!!!

Me: Hmph.

SH: What if we had a nanny?

Me: I don't want a nanny.

SH: Four and a nanny!!!

Me: Two and a nanny.

SH: FIVE and a nanny!!!!!

Me: You're really bad at this. I think our new baby would be better at negotiating.

Visitors Part 1

2011-11-28T06:25:00.001-08:00

There has been a blog clog. And it is this post. Clogs are generally gross and stinky, and this one is quite fantastic, but I call it a blog clog because I'm really type A and things need to be in order and I needed to publish this before I could publish other things, hence the back up, thus the clog. I really want to acknowledge and thank all the people that have blessed our home and shared it with us these first couple of months. But there have been so many, it has been really hard to do. I know, this is a fantastic problem! When we moved into our Rochester home, Annie VanderWerf gave us a wall hanging that said "May your home always be too small to hold all of your friends." And it is. :) We are so blessed. And now, that this epic post has been published, maybe I can get on with all the other fabulous things that have been happening around here.

The first to bless our home with their presence were Brea and Kyle. I wish there were more pictures of our time together because a fake alligator and rowdy karaoke were just the beginning of our fun. Brea and Kyle helped us move. They drove with Seth from Minnesota to Texas, stopped for a switcharoo in Iowa, wrestled some reindeer in July, drove the most difficult hours because Seth was almost useless from being on call the night before, and were there with the deer (real ones, not reindeer) to see Seth see his new home for the first time. We talked, sang, danced, played a guitar, sweat, watched a movie, sight saw, tubed, philosophized, day dreamed, ate burritos, sun burned, and bonded. The best news is that they are already on their way back.

And then we were off to Honduras.

Very shortly after, our family came from Iowa for what is always a magical time together. They welcomed us back from Honduras. I think their flight got in before ours did. What a wonderful thing to come home to! There's something about all of us being together that leaves us refreshed, leaves us better. Johna and I made a pinky promise to try to see each other as much as we did when we were three hours away, and so far so good. We've been together three times and I suppose we're greedy cuz we still whine when it's over. This time we ate seafood, Mexican food, and legendary barbeque, we sight saw, we bar hopped, we porch rocked, porch talked, porch drank, porch swang, porch dined, went to pro baseball game for what was the best one they've ever been to the boys agree (gamblers!), we sent Seth off to his first day of work, and talked him into his second, and third, we put our toes in the river, we danced in the oldest dance hall in Texas, and sang along with the band in the garden, we met a batty old lady and stayed in her house, shopped for some boots, and tried to spend the whole trip in a cowboy hat.

I know we both look awful in this picture (sorry sister) but I had to include it cuz Johna bought these for us and the picture makes us laugh.

I love me some Aunt B!!! And I love Uncle Sean. Sean had a conference in Houston and we all took full advantage with dinner dates, limo rides, rooftop-ish drinks, Mexican food, lazy beach days, beach town bars, and lots and lots and lots and lots of laughing. If you think my parents are loud, add Sean and Becki to the mix, and we are the table at the restaurant that strangers come over to and say, "I have just to tell y'all that you and all your fun have just blessed my heart tonight," the way only a lovely, black Texas woman can. Come back, ya hear??!!!!

Oh my goodness. I won't be able to wrap this up nice and neat. Jerilyn and Trace came to see us, flew right on in to College Station, and we had an amazing week filled with one adventure after another. Bubble gum martinis, beers upon beers, hand holding, panties on the head, deep sea fishing, bird chasing, castle building, shell finding, baby abandoning, bar hopping, hurricane finding, hotel trashing, decent cooking, ticket avoiding, cigar hunting, Lupe appreciating, and just one tiny little sea sick hurl. Kendigs in October-- an annual event. And it is an event!

And then there are our local-ish friends, and it thrills me to have them in day trip, weekend trip shot. Specifically, the Morris family, the Hall family, the Wilke family, and the Regitz family have been so fantastic about giving us a warm Texas welcome and filled our weekends with plans and more plans on the calendar. They sat at our real table in the real dining room for the first time, broke in the guest rooms, and filled the house with lots of stories, catching up and kid noises.

AND... SONIA!!! I went to Minnesota for my birthday and while tickets in February were all well and good, waiting for it was not. And so, surprise! Sonia and Maggie in Texas in November. Sylas and his first girlfriend, and me and my Rochester sister. I am the luckiest. We did a whole lot of nothing which, besides chasing kids, is kind of what we're best at when together if Dexter's not around. I love you, Sonia Cushing! And Sylas says to tell Maggie there's simply no love like your first.

This post already has a Part 2 in the works, but first....

BEEF Family

2011-11-09T18:15:00.001-08:00

Beef Family

As Seth and I listed pros and cons for moving here, one of our pros written in the boldest font was living in backyard barbeque distance of Beef Family. With Seth's unconventional schedule we have spent many school nights spending the night with Beef Family which for Beef and me was always the best of treats as grade schoolers. And on those late giggly nights we spent lots of time day dreaming about ourselves as grown ups. Who are husbands would be, and how smart they'd be for choosing us, how our kids would look and who they'd marry (each other, of course). Admittedly, we had very high hopes and planned out many of the glorious details. But what we never could have planned because we just didn't know to dream this big was spidermen and firemen, a little fearless girl throwing herself all over a play ground, and husbands who get on the internet to find out the latest dance moves and teach themselves for our amusement.

This was one of those surreal moments where you ask yourself if life is really this good as you gasp for air from laughing too hard and try not to pee.

We love Beef Family and our Wednesday night sleep overs.

God Talk

2011-10-17T08:02:00.001-07:00

I was on the computer one night and Maya was at my feet dreaming her dog dreams. When she really gets going with the whimpering and convulsing, her little paws running their sleepy sprint, it always makes me feel... sad. She's obviously chasing something, and I think I have a good idea what it is. She loves a good squirrel chase. She's certainly not dreaming of sitting at my feet, not with a stride like that! And it makes me, yes sad, that her little dog heart yearns for a good squirrel chase when she so rarely gets to do it. The spirit within her longs to run with reckless abandon, unconcerned for the busy street she might run into, the rabies that squirrel may have, the noxious musk of a skunk that will linger on her for weeks to come making me want to take her right back to the pound. Maya was made to run after small mammals and that's all there is to it. We can domesticate her as best we can and teach her to stay off the furniture and not lick the kids, and because she loves me more than kibbles and bits, she'll do it, but in her dreams, she's a runner, not a well behaved companion.

So... there's a spirit within me too. A holy one. And it also wants me to run with reckless abandon. It desperately wants to lead me around by the wrist except that I will hardly let it. Why? Because I'm busy! I've got babies to feed and make laugh, I've got a precious husband to dote on, I've got friendships to nurture, dates to keep, appointments to make, and on and on and on until it's only in my dreams that I sprint with this Spirit of mine. Well, I'm about to get busy doing something else in addition to loving the people I love. I have recently signed up to be a Christian yoga instructor. God put it on my heart around Easter and He hasn't let me forget it. And it's not convenient or cheap or practical, but I'm not sure the Holy Spirit cares about all that because this is not something I could ignore. It weighed so heavily on me that I tossed and turned at nights with new ideas. I'll tell more later about how the idea came to pass, but right now I'm just excited that it's for real.

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." Ghandi

So the rest of this post is dedicated to the yogis that may not agree with specifying a God, Christ, in a practice. And to that I say all this (and be patient):

I saw this quote on a blog I came across by chance. It is by Mahatma Gandhi and the Christian woman who posted it wrote a lovely post that asked us to analyze the words of this humble, peaceful man dedicated to courageous love no matter how much we may (or may not) disagree with his religion. She said that he shows us a life lived in humility, peace, and courageous love and that we cannot simply dismiss someone with such an enormous impact for good. If we have humility, we have to be willing to think hard about what he said about Christians.

This blog, that I feel found me, really spoke to me. She outlined very well, and much better than I could, the obstacles Christians come across that keep us from being effective. And although she didn't put it this succinctly, I believe it is arrogance and pride. When Jesus walked this earth, He befriended the outcasts and sinners flocked to him because He was a safe place. A safe place! And I have to get honest and ask myself if the church has been that safe place. I'm not sure that it has. Keep listening, I'm not saying that a yoga studio should replace a church. Patience, please.

But what I am saying, and what she said, is that our hearts need searched. Can we admit that we fall short, that we have NOT shown His love, or His mercy, that we have pointed fingers with logs in our eyes, and that the church is not doing all of it's jobs? God has asked me to love Him and tell people, not find people different than me and show them the ways that they are lacking. There is such a vast difference! We are so proud, we Christians. We've got it all figured out. If only everyone else would just get on board! I read once that "we are like Christ not when we are perfect, but when we forgive." It is not our "holy life" that glorifies God, our weaknesses do! For when I am weak then You are strong. Pretending that our lives are flawless, that our walks are unhindered, that we have all the answers, and that the only thing "sinners" need to do is find our church-- all this leads to superficiality at best and hypocrisy at worst. His power is made perfect in our weakness, not in our wisdom, and His grace is bigger than our "discernment".

And so what I want to create is a safe place to acknowledge our humanness, to let Him shine through it, to love those who we have been taught to hate but who Jesus would call friend, to meditate on loving like He would, and leave with a mission to do something kind for a neighbor, join a church family where God's love is felt no matter who you are, and pray a little more. I don't want to replace a church, I just want to show more of Him... in a different venue. Here's my point, I just want to show HIS LOVE. And let people search their hearts in a safe place.

How many more friends could Christians make if instead of finding everyone else's faults, we acknowledged our own? Honesty! I think a yoga studio is a perfectly safe place to go and be really honest because it's just you and your head and your body and your humanness and your God working together to shine with His love. I believe in it.

I think we get a clearer view of who God is when we share every realm of our experiences with Him. I have cried my eyes out with God. I have shook my fists at Him in frustration. There have been times I thought he was going to smash my heart to bits. But, I have also raised my hands high in awe of Him. He has made me squeal with delight. I have hit my knees in nothing but pure wonder. And He is ALWAYS a safe haven of rest to my weary soul.

Are you like Ghandi? Do you admire Christ, but haven't been so enchanted with his followers? I get it. And I'm sorry. Christians mess up all the time in showing His love, and I am trying to be better. The blogger I speak of ended her post saying that you might not like her, but you would love her Christ, and I think that is beautiful. And true. You might not like me, but I'm certain that you would get a big kick out of Jesus and vice versa. I am excited about doing my very best to create a space for others to know more of Him not because I think the church has failed but because I think it needs all the help it can get.

I'm off to take Maya on a good long walk and I hope we find a squirrel. Or two. That can run fast.

Oh, You Two...

2011-10-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

In about 40 hours all this cuteness ensued.

-While carving pumpkins yesterday, I asked Sy to guess what he thought would be inside the pumpkin when I pulled off the top. He answered, "Lots of little BABY PUMPKINS!!!" I thought that was a great idea.

- When we finished carving our jackolanterns as a family, Millie beamed when she saw the finished product and leaned in to give it a kiss.

- While stripped down about to get in the bath tub, Sy had his hand in his butt. Shoulder back, his little back arched, really digging. As I'm taking Amelia's clothes off he looks over at me completely delighted and says, "MOMMY! I found a HOE!!" (Hole). As I'm chuckling at his discovery he asks, "Mommy, is it my butt's hoe?"

-That night Sylas aggressively snatched a cup from Amelia and got put in time out. Amelia followed him to his time out spot, sat outside the door while he cried, and desperately tried to slip him the cup he took from her under the door.

- This morning Sy saw a picture of a bell on a stamp, held it up to me, and asked, "Mommy is this why Daddy goes to work?" I had no clue what he was talking about. I asked him what he meant and he said, "Daddy. He goes to work! He goes to work because he has to pay all these bells."

- And this afternoon all my patience was tested at the post office. For some reason this is the world's worst chore for this mother of two children. It's like my kids go postal the second we walk in. They smell the cardboard or perhaps my fear and turn into werewolves. This time in particular, as I'm filling out a form more thoroughly than I'd like to, I look over and Amelia is helping Sylas take his pants off in the middle of the store. It didn't take long for this to be funny (it was only three hours ago) but I was not amused at the time.

Fifteen months and 30 months are my verrry verrrrrry all time most favorite ages and the combination of them just fills my horizon! You two are hilarious and I love you.

Sweet Reunions

2011-10-08T15:57:00.001-07:00

It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.

- Zora Neale Hurston

So, there's that. I don't know why but when I saw that it cracked me up and it came at a time that I was feeling truly grateful for my friends. There's something about "new" that makes me really rely on "old". Now that I am back home I have been rekindling some old friend flames and been so delighted that not much has changed. It's been fun to find a great deal of truth in the sentiment that those truly linked don't need correspondence. Many of my new (but old) friends and I haven't had an opportunity to talk for hours on end in years, and yet our friendship is as true as ever. There is still a lot more visiting to do, but I'm on a good roll. I know everyone has experienced the long sigh feeling of being able to pick up right where you left off with someone, and I've had that a lot lately. And I am grateful.

I haven't posted about our visitors yet. I'm on waiting on two more before I make one big post.

Sorority sisters that live in College Station, Angela and Lisa. We got together after oh, a decade or so, and talked in our pajamas until way past all of our bedtimes. We laughed that we were in pajamas, just like the good ol' days in the Chi O house. I brought chocolate chip cookies and considered bringing just the dough because in the House we would sneak down to the kitchen late at night and steal cookie dough out of the freezer.

Amanda and I have done a better job keeping in touch, but we had yet to get our families together. They came one game day weekend and it was a loud house-full with great dinner dates and outside baseball games.

Reliving our Freebird glory days. I love Amanda for her peace, her sweet spirit, her loyalty, and depth. I am so excited to share many more weekends together.

Kelley was taking off to Peru and our threesome needed a date before her departure.

Our three heads and hearts together make this cosmic, Spirit filled, laughing mess and I hope everyone has a Dawn and a Kelley in their lives.

Not only can facebook get in you in touch with people from high school that you don't like but it can also get you in touch with people from junior high that you should have known way better. Loubel was the smartest girl I knew in junior high, and now she's the funniest person I know on facebook. Her posts are comedy routines. She had the bright idea to get together (told you she was quick) and we had a fun, and long over due dinner. I love facebook and LCG.

Stephanie and I lived together in college. (This isn't us, it is our husbands). My dad has always said that you never really know someone until you live with them and I am so beyond grateful for those years that I spent investing in this friendship and all the years after. Our husbands have gotten in on the love and it's not just any family that will pray over yours when you're feeling needy.

And there's not much better than watching your boys split a Spiderman costume and find mischief together.

If there was a Gillian photo and an Anna Foster photo and a Samantha family photo this post would be perfect. In due time... And, by the way, Seth had a big boys reunion last month. In Branson! That cracked me up. They used to paint Kansas City and San Diego red and now they retire to Branson over a long weekend.

Nothin' In Particular

2011-10-08T15:21:00.001-07:00

Amelia grows funnier by the minute. She's a little comedian baby. She jabbers a mile a minute in "bo bo bos and pow pow pows". Sy's language consisted of yukka yukkas. She looks right in your face and ka-pows away with such MEANING!! This is important stuff y'all! Watching her try to jump is by far the cutest thing I have ever witnessed. Every single part of her body is engaged in all the wrong order. She dances with twirls and flapping and a tai chi type of sway. Oh, and, Amelia LOVES goose eggs.

She's added some cute words to her little mix. When she hears the tune of Take Me Out to the Ballgame she starts singing the words "baaaw gaaaay, baaaaw gaaaay". She also sings to herself these words and in tune: "up ah bum da tur" which translates to "up above the world" part of Twinkle Twinkle. She sings to herself all the time. She has zero interest in dolls (I've tried) and has started climbing up to the top of the slide, going down it head first, feet first, whatever, and then tries to jump off the bottom of it. She taught herself a year ago how to go down the stairs on her belly and if her legs weren't too short she would definitely be going down them big girl style by now. Well, because she has been descending this way for many moons, she's become quite proficient. She'll take them one at a time usually but if she's excited about what may be at the bottom, she turns herself into a stiff board, arms straight over head, so she can bumbumbumbum all the way to the bottom faster. She still does her signature shriek and is still as bald as can be. We are figuring out that she understands us way better than we understand her. She follows simple directions and answers yes or no questions. And it's like she read my last post that said she wasn't talking much and gave me a snooty, "oh yeah, watch this." She has recently added many many words to her vocab so that now her repertoire consists of: cow, moo, doggie, mama, go, ball, ball game, car, Pop, bird, Elmo, Diego, all done, more, no, hi, bye, night night, shoes, uh oh, phone. She holds anything palm sized up to her ear like a phone-- remote controls, books, puzzle pieces, shoes.

Sy talks to her in their own language and they go back and forth in the backseat like gossipy old women. Sy takes good care of her and I can often hear him shepherding her out of trouble with a gentle "No no, Millie Bop." They take good care of each other, actually. When Sy is having a two-year-old-moment, Millie will go find a bicky or take the one out of her mouth and put it in his, knowing he likes them more than her. She's also been known to try to rescue him out of time out, my favorite trick of theirs. They are quite the duo and see if you think this says anything about their personalities: they both got their first bandaid in the same two days. Sy's two and a half and Amelia is fifteen months.

Sylas has become a good little reasoner. He likes to hold my arm from the backseat which requires some flexibility on my part. It's hardly comfortable and sometimes I have to tell him no. On this day, in particular, Seth was driving and Sy wanted my arm from the passenger seat, but Seth and I were holding hands, and when Sy gave his minutely, " I want Mommy's arrrrrm," I answered with, "Sy, mommy just needs Daddy right now, OK?" Quickly he came back with, "Well, so? I need YOU." The other day when Seth asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he answered matter of factly, "Taller than you." The other day we were out in the yard and Sy was examining the bark on the tree and asked me if it was a water spout. Confused, I asked why he thought that and he said that he saw a spider, that the tree bark must be where he lived which clearly made it a "water spout". Funnily, I remember wondering what a water spout was myself. Many months ago Sylas amazed me and I don't think I ever blogged about it. We were at a stop light and he saw a truck pulling a jet ski and asked me what it was. I tried to explain that it was kind of like a smaller boat except it only held one or two people and moved more quickly. He said, "Like a motorcycle on water, Mommy?" Ummm... yes, Sylas, exactly. And lastly, Sylas has a very strong arm and puts a wobblyish (most of the time) tight (some of the time) spiral (all of the time) right where he wants it. It really is impressive even if you're not his mama.

I love being a mama of two. Certainly the physical sacrifice of sleep deprivation and runny noses is real. And sometimes the monotonous collection of favorite books, movies and snacks can be taxing. But it is always (ALWAYS!) my greatest joy to watch you two learn together, play together and finish your action-packed days lazily resting in my lap smelling your kid smell of detergent and sweat and cotton candy. Parenthood is such a whirlwind right now. The difference in a one year old and a two year old is so vast, but I'm determined to remember every bouncing, babbling, twirling, stuttering, singing, arm kneading phase!

Minnesota Birthday

2011-09-28T06:02:00.001-07:00

There will always be something that pulls me to Minnesota. I love the way it smells, I love the way it looks, I love the way it sounds, I just love it. And, I really love a certain group of lovely people. It's a place where the day is too short for all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, all the friends I want to see. I cannot believe that a short five years ago I could have no more pointed this state out on the map than I could pat my head and rub my tummy. And yet, I was only gone two months, and needed a pick me up. My huuuuuzband got me a ticket for my birthday weekend, and I was leavin' on a jet plane.

I spent a lot of time doing this. There was a better picture of all of us in mid laugh inevitably from something Jackie said, but I didn't choose that one because Katie wasn't in it (she might have had to run to the bathroom due to said guffaw).

I got to meet Little Ian who is hardly little. It viscerally hurt not being there for his birth so I just got there as quick as I could.

I had to see Ton Loc and Jess while there and we made a night of kareoke. Sarah and Sonia were there this night and we found some Rochester night life (who knew?) until way way too late.

I grabbed breakfast with the Huddleston gang. And lunch with more than half of the Binnickers and a park date with Leah. It was a lot of bang for the buck. And I have every intention of going twice a year in September and May when Minnesota is at its finest.

And as if all that wasn't enough, Johna came to Rochester Sunday night of my birthday weekend where we got a hotel room, split a pizza, split some wine, and laughed 'til we cried at the movie Bridesmaids later lamenting the ridiculous fact that we weren't in each other's weddings. It was a perfect 24 hours.

The beauty of having a lot of friends is that they take turns inspiring you. Sarah Field, you are an amazing and beautiful creation full of hope and imagination and resilience and grace, the things that make us infinite.

Preschool

2011-09-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

Now, I like the truth. Kind of demand it, actually. Sometimes it's the Truth (with a capital T) and other times it's the truth you'd rather not talk about. If "you're as sick as your secrets" is true, lemme tell ya I'm in stellar health because girrrrl, I don't have any! And so this is how pre school went down.

First of all, I enrolled Sy at the closest church for a two day a week program from 9 to 1:30. Sy loves the concept of school. He loves to answer scholarly questions. His Daddy has made him a little bit of a dork with vocabulary like contusion, hematoma, and iris. I try to compensate by teaching him the "sea food" trick and hilarious knock knock jokes so he doesn't get beat up on the play ground. Regardless, he knows all his colors and animals and what they eat, and he doesn't particularly mind showing off his repertoire. He knows some letters, speaks totally fluently in long sentences, and has a great attention span for books. He's a little shy and not so quick to warm up, but his teachers had come to our house for a house visit and he was proud to show them his toys, he flirted shamelessly, and talked about them for the next two weeks, including praying for them on his own. When we passed the building his school was in, while out and about running errands, he regularly fussed because we weren't stopping to go in. So I admit it. I set myself up. I thought he was going to go bounding into his classroom on the the first day announcing his arrival and doling out hugs and high fives. And he might have, had I not wanted to do something ridiculous. Take his picture.

As an aside, I love packing his lunch. I know it's novel and one day it might become a chore, but for now I love it. I pack a lunch box the same way I pack for a trip. Way too much. But I use the same rationale, "It's good to have options!" Even though he had a new backpack from Grammy he wanted to use his Elmo one from Sonia and this warmed my heart that in a very small way she was there with us this day. I digress...

So all was going well. In the days previous, we talked about school a lot-- how it was just like playing at the gym, but for a little longer. In addition to a home visit, there was also a chance to play in his classroom as a family the week before. The first day he picked out his outfit. We were ready!
And then. I wanted to. Take his picture. And it became the Picture Taking Incident of 2011.

Aaaaand, this happened. Freak out.

Lots of freaking out. Instead of stopping the pesky behavior of picture taking, I clicked away capturing our truth that day.

Dad lightened the mood and saved the day by pretending to wear Sy's backpack and go to school without him.
This seemed intriguing.
And slightly amusing.

But all this drama put Sy in a bad mood and the drop off didn't go so well. He didn't like claw- after-me-drool-and-snot-cry. It was just a little mini-my-feelings-are-hurt-and-I-wish-you-wouldn't-leave-me-here-cry, but because I really didn't think he would cry, it kind of sucked. And not only did it suck, but I didn't even get a good picture before it started sucking. And then I started crying explaining to his teachers that I wasn't sure if he knew how to open the new water bottle I had gotten him for recess time. They shared a knowing laugh with me. But I wasn't done. I worried the whole day that he didn't know how to open his lunch box and would sit starving while the other kids ate. When I picked him up he was happily listening to a story yelling out answers the teacher asked the kids. He ran to me when he saw me and proudly showed me his room, his new stomping grounds. So it all turned out mostly ok in that, he settled down quickly, only asked about me once, didn't get beat up, and has teachers that don't mind opening a 2 year olds lunch box if need be. Phew!

The second day of school, (Grammy and Pops were here) I was not deterred and aimed to get a picture like everyone else in the free world and on facebook. We distracted him with a flash light. This was far more tolerable although he still refused to wear his back pack.

I suppose I could have just posted this picture and said what a great first day of school Sy had, but that wouldn't have been the truth.

Because this was.

Second day drop off was a success with just a tiny little oh-I-wish-you-wouldn't-leave-me-here-but-I-can-see-you're-gonna-whine.

And then his third time he walked in front of me right into the room and sat down at the table. Happy as can be.

Oh, my big growing boy. I can't believe the intensity of emotions in watching you grow up, Sylas Justin.

Settled. For real this time.

2011-09-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

You know how when you go on a date and you're the one that suggests the movie, if it sucks, you take it all personally or feel really guilty like you're the one that wrote it, starred in it, and directed it? Is that just me? Well, that's kind of how I was feeling about Seth moving to Texas. What if he hated it? And then I am to blame because I made up the state and am personally responsible for putting it on the map. It would be all my fault!The first couple of weeks that we were here I was having some anxiety about Seth's happiness as a Texan, our decision to move despite how happy we were in Rochester, and was wondering if this new house would ever feel like home. Thankfully, my anxieties have been stopped in their pestering little tracks.

1) First of all, to keep the analogy going, I did not suggest the movie. Actually, Seth did. One miserable winter weekend, he made the decision for us. I was, of course, happy to follow his lead (and His lead.) So, I may not have written or starred or directed, but I suppose I felt like I executive produced the Great State. But we all know what makes a great movie and I was happy to share the pressure. Remembering Seth's enthusiasm and responsibility was a nice reminder during the transition.

2) It also doens't hurt that Seth has become quite smug. Let me explain. We're sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs with my parents, our guests, each other, what have you, drinks in hand (this scenario has happened a few times). Someone says, truly apologetically, probably because they too think they invented Texas, "Seth. I just feel terrible that you moved here in the middle of a thirty year drought and in this unprecedented heat!!! UGHHH." Seth, takes a long sip of his beer, rocks a couple of times with a smug smile, and says, "Guys. This is great!! You wanna know why? I could never do THIS in the middle of January in Minnesota." (Cheers and a smug smile).

3) Another scenario: We are sitting on the porch. I am swatting at mosquitos with both hands. I give up and say I have to go in, the mosquitos win. Seth rocks his chair a couple of slow times and smiles at me, you guessed it, smugly, and takes a sip of his sweet tea and says, "I was just born for this place, I guess. The heat doesn't bother me and the bugs don't bite me. I love it here." (Do I hear a twang?) He keeps on rocking while watching me walk inside waving appendages to shoo the mosquitos. I yell over my shoulder, "You're not hot and the bugs don't bite you because you are BALD!!!!" Seth takes another sip, pats his head and says, "Good radiator."

4) Seth and I are walking through a parking lot at 4 pm on a hundred plus day. He looks at me and asks, "Ok, be honest. Is this what everyone is talking about? The unbearable heat? Is this it? I mean, does Texas have more up it's sleeve, or is this the worst of it?" I say indignantly, "Seth! People are frying eggs on their sidewalks and baking cookies in their car! Yes! This is it! It's awful. I feel like I walked into a hair dryer. This is insane!" Seth smiles smugly but says nothing. I ask him to spill it and he says, " I would rather do this than shovel our driveway ANY day, every day. I love this place. Y'all."

5) We have already been blessed with many visitors and filling the house with people makes it feel more like home. Our visitors will get one post separately. I am so grateful for all the people that it is now easier to get to, and for the people that have helped us Christen our home and fill its rooms with laughter and love.

6) I am also thankful for in town friends, one in particular (Angela!), that have really taken me under their wing and helped me be a mom here. I felt pretty good at it in Rochester with our routines, our play mates, etc and I can see how it could be tempting to just put Esther on that running loop without someone to help you learn the lay of the land. Somehow taking the kids to the Chicken or the Tap or Dudley's for a play date was getting old and didn't seem quite right. Thanks!

7) I admit that I am not ready to make new friends yet. I have noticed that I have only reached out to existing friends and have little to no desire to meet new people. I do this every time I move. I get indignant that I don't want new friends because I like the ones I have, thank you very much. I am still grieving, I guess, and that is fine with me.

8) This place is actually very very peaceful and a perfect fit for us. Besides needing a Java Detour, we have absolutely everything we need and have started some new traditions together. The town is the perfect size.

9) The house is cozy. I walked to the car in the driveway in my underwear the other day and I was not at all being an exhibitionist. There is lots of wildlife which is so great if you're me. Except for the skunks. They are not great. Maya has picked a fight with one twice and lost twice, miserably. We smell her defeat for days to come. I don't know how there aren't millions of skunks in power suits ruling the world with a defense mechanism like that. It must be the thumb thing because there is no way that they have any predators except for maybe the speeding car, but even then it's an accident.

10) Most importantly, the kids are so happy here. They run and play and sweat and swim and ride and fish and explore. The proximity to Grammy and Pops has been such a blessing. Because of them there are fancy big wheels in the drive way, Sy has been to his first pro baseball game, we go on fishing trips, Sy begs to leave with Grammy and Pops and go to their house, and Mommy gets to sleep a little more than she did in Rochester. Seth announced somewhat out of the blue the other day that generosity wars are the best wars to be in. I thought that profound and I was smiling at the term when he said, "I'm in a generosity war with your dad." We feel so blessed to have family closer and have had several pinch me moments with them. I also just learned about the Dual Language Program and by 7th grade the kids will be fluent in Spanish if we get accepted into the program. AAHHH!

I think it's a fluke, but as of the last week we can already open the windows because it's so nice outside. I think we like it here. I think we'll stay. This movie gets two thumbs way up!

Yo Mama

2011-08-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

I have a special mom. And the most special thing about that is that I'm not the only one that thinks so. There is not a friend from my childhood that I have reconnected with on facebook that hasn't asked me to tell my mom how special she was to them. (My dad too, by the way, but he just got his own post). And some people remember the most specific details-- ways that she encouraged them, or made them feel special and loved. Just a couple of months ago, someone wrote to me telling me that my mom was the only person that ever really made her feel beautiful. This is just the tiniest of so many examples.

When other people appreciate how cool your mom is, it means that all the slumber parties are at your house when your little, and she's coerced to come to the ones at your house when you're an adult. Coincidentally my mom knows all of my friends well, really well. They love her and she loves them.

I say all of this because fairly recently I had a dear dear best friend come to a crossroads. She reached out to three people formally in an email for guidance and advice-- me, another dear dear best friend, and my mom. My mom responded to her with a letter that moved her to book a one way ticket to Peru to go serve needy families in the poorest of cities. I am attaching my friend's blog where she explains to her loved ones why she is doing what she is doing and includes a copy of my mom's letter to her. She has gotten responses publicly and privately asking for my mom's info because they want a letter too and I thought if it was inspiring to Kelley's readers, then it would be inspiring to mine.

Kelley, you are strong and brave and right where God wants you to be which although uncomfortable is the safest of places. And Mom, I can't believe you're mine.

Facts and Figures of the the First Year

2011-08-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

Facts and Figures are for documentation and grandparents' appeasement only. No pressure to read this, there is no quiz. These are the best ways to describe our favorite little girl at her one year mark. It was tempting to put some stuff that she is doing now (for example, she signs "bird" with the cutest wiggle of the finger!, sings Itsy Bitsy Spider with "bo bo bos" while doing her fingers like the spider, and she says "cup" just so matter of factly), but all the rest is 12 month stuff only! I love this little girl!!!

PS- I enjoyed reflecting on what Sy was doing at this time and included some of his facts in here as well. I thought it would be fun for the kids to know how they were the same and different. Because I haven't attached any value to it, it shouldn't be the cause of any complexes. Both of my children are perfection to me. Of course.

Social

* You are such a butterfly. A busy room, a crowd, an adult stranger, a kid stranger-- bring it! You are so happy to explore, learn and meet and greet. There is nowhere that we go that you aren't happy to get down and discover for yourself. And I have to keep an eye on you! Your brother will often times follow your lead. If he is intimidated by a busy room, watching you beg to get down and go can make him more comfortable.

* I have never seen a shy moment from you. If I have, if is only part of your plan to charm, or an act, you don't really mean it-- ie: a batting of the eyelashes, or a coy turn of the head that is impossible to ignore. You should have it patented.

* Even though you love other people, you are a Mama's girl. And won't necessarily go happily with anyone if they want to hold you. If you HAVE to be held, you would really rather be held by me. Daddy is second. Pops is third. Ohh, Johna and Pops may have a tie. But you have never, not once cried about me leaving you with a sitter. Sylas was not this way. He loved adults, any adult. If they had a lap, he was interested. You are a little more discerning. But, he also never cried about sitters.

* You can throw one heck of a fit, looking awfully pitiful while you do it-- face scrunched up, flinging yourself backwards, a nice ear piercing shriek. While you are not afraid of much, you are certainly not afraid of a little drama. Somehow the shriek is cute, not just to me, but people will cover their faces to laugh. And it is funny. Maybe it is because of how quickly you go to it. For example, Sylas took your spoon, you don't respond with a grunt, or a wah!, but an EEEEEEKKKKKKK!!! the dolphins can hear.

* You laugh like a little cherub, just cracking yourself up all the time. Your brother does a great job cracking you up, too. You have a throaty laugh kinda Revenge of the Nerds- like when you are really tickled.

* You seem to already understand rules and games. You will happily wait and anticipate your turn in games of catch. You love funny exchanges and will make up new games about how to make each other laugh.

* You run errands like a little champion and I can take you absolutely anywhere napping as you go if need be. You go with the flow perfectly with very few demands.

* The best thing you do is celebrate when you see someone you love. There is nothing like a Millie Bop running to you with her arms up.

Physical

* Remember about fifteen years ago when that dancing baby came out. The one that danced to uga chaka uga chaka? And how the reason it was creepy was because the movement was too advanced for something that size? Well, that's you, Millie. Creepy. So many people have said this exact sentence, most of them strangers, "Something that size just shouldn't move that way. How old IS she?"

* You are in the 21st percentile in weight and the 41st percentile in height. You are little looking, littler than these stats suggest.

* You are constantly in motion, and because of this have several nicknames: Jaws, Hummingbird, Wrecking Crew, Bald Head Racing (your Indian name). You not only walk, you easily and swiftly run changing directions like a little drunken cheetah.

* You are not easily daunted and spend several tries conquering what you really shouldn't-standing surf board style in the seat of the rocking chair making it go back and forth faster and faster, for instance. Unfortunately for us, you are quite good and are not discouraged one little bit by big spills or scrapes because they don't happen much.

* This is not to say that you don't have several bruises because you do. Always covered in them actually. And in weird places like your neck and ribs. I swear I didn't put them there and anyone that followed you around all day wouldn't wonder.

* I have never had to worry about you on stairs. Maybe for about a week or two actually, before you figured out how to go down. But, it has literally been months since I have even thought about it. A baby gate was hardly ever necessary for you.

* You still don't have much hair, but what you do have has a bit of red in it. No one thinks you will be a red head or anything, but in the sunlight you look strawberry blonde.

* Still only two teeth, but you are working on your top two.

* You love an adventure and seek out novel experiences, running through water, hopping on baby cars and rocking horses, climbing to startling heights.

* To say Sylas was not this way is the largest of understatements.

Sleep

* You sleep great. You take two naps, or really as many we'll let you-- you'd take three if you could.

* You wake up around 6:30 (lately it's been earlier due to the teeth), take a nap around 9:30 for about an hour and then a good long one at 1 with your brother-- not actually WITH your brother although he has been caught in your crib with you after I have put you both down. It is hard to punish something so stinkin' cute, but I can not allow anything to jack with sleep regardless the adorableness.

* You go to sleep easily, effortlessly. I nurse you, sing a song and say a prayer, put you in your crib and leave. Unless you are teething we don't hear from you again til morning.

* You are not the cuddler Sy was so you don't insist on being rocked the way he did. A little sad but with two, it's also nice to have the simplicity.

Your Favorites

* You love to eat and you don't care what.

* You love Maya and will pet her so adult like. You love all animals actually and will stop what you are doing to study soemthing furry on tv pointing and pointing away.

* You love music and have systematic dance moves. It seems young to have actual routines, but you do. Any toy that makes noise is a hit because you move to the beat.

* This sounds silly but you love anything that is about the size of your hand to carry around. One little toy in each hand, even a pen would do, you just like to be holding something all the time. Often times I will find the last bite of your meal in your clutched hand.

* You love the movie Esther from Veggie Tales. Sylas would prefer that it was running on a loop all day everyday, but you are quite enchanted with it as well and have the best attention span when it comes to her.

* You love water and to swim. You have very little fear so we watch you close.

Speech and Language

* Your most used word is "uh oh". You use it perfectly and often because you are the wrecking crew. It has the sweetest sound coming out of your mouth though, as if you are actually remorseful. You also know big "uh ohs" from little "uh ohs". For example, you drop your pacifier, the sweetest little uhoh and you are off. Or, you knock over a kitchen chair, A big loud UH (long pause while staring at the dilemma) OOHHH!!!

* Other than that, you really don't say much. You will sign "more" sometimes and you will shake your head no to mean just that, no. And we are almost positive you nod "yes".

* But there are lots of words that you understand. I can say "where's Maya or Sylas or Daddy or Elmo" and you will point to the dog, person or tv. I say Millie where are the birds and you go running to the window. I ask for a kiss and you lean in with the "Muah" sound every time. I tell you to spin in a circle, one of your proudest accomplishments, and you do. I can say "get your shoe" and you look over to them, you don't actually get them, but it's a start.

* You have an enthusiastic point and with it a "Shee it" which sounds like "shit" with a deep southern accent. Anytime I want to show you something cool I say, "Do you see it?!" so I think you are affirming that you do, not actually cussing.

* You sing and yodel more than you babble.

* Maybe you should talking more, I don't know. I don't get too hung up on benchmarks so I really don't even know what's normal, but I do know Sy was saying more at this age, but he really talks a lot for a two year old boy. Maybe he will talk you out of all the trouble you find with those little lightning fast feet of yours.

Food

* You finally, at one year exactly, I remember because we were inHonduras and I was especially thankful, quit putting stuff that is not food into your mouth. No more dirt, no more worms, and hardly ever any rocks.

* You still nurse twice a day, morning and night.

* Otherwise, this category is simple. You eat anything and everything. Whatever we put in front of you, you eat. (You are suspicious of eggs and that's about it.) So, our philosophy has been that we might as well put healthy stuff in front of you if we know you're gonna eat it. This has resulted in mouthfuls of beets, spinach, salmon, you name it. And you eat A LOT. All day everyday.

* To say Sylas was not this way is the largest of understatements.

Tricks

* You dance. With precision. A head nod, a circle turn, a foot stomp, a bounce. It is absolutely amazing, but this was how your brother danced for the first time at Aunt Jules's wedding. So, the circle stomp bounce is genetic?

*On command you will point to your nose.

* You sing to yourself while pointing your way through a book.

* You play a scare game where you yell a "AHHH!" to startle a playmate (your first one, Dood). You caught on while he was playing with Sy. And now you will initiate it yourself.

* You high five up high, down low and on the side. Anywhere. You're a high fivin' girl.

We love you Millie, Millie, Bop, Bop! And the day that you got here is a day of such immense joy and certainly a favorite day to remember. I can't believe it was one whole year ago!

Amelia's First Birthday Party

2011-08-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

Now that we are home and settled we wanted to celebrate Amelia and have our family over to the house-- there was lots to celebrate! Milestones and Homecomings!

We could have invited more and had a house full of loving Texans, but since it was a last minute decision and it was in the middle of a somewhat hectic time, we kept it to family.

The JD Davis's

The Bart Davis's

Jeanette and Billy

Beef Family

The Scotts

The Nixons

And of course Justin, Johna and Dakota

It was a perfect party with most of the significant people in Amelia's little life celebrating her first year and our new zip code. Everyone in the house had been in my life for over 30 years, except ironically Beef and Sullivans. I commented that it felt like a wedding but WAY better. I had forgotten how amazing it is to live close to the rocks in your life and have them all in one room. So maybe, just maybe, this party was more fun for me than anyone, but Amelia definitely loved the crowd and her cake and her fancy outfit and her new car.

I feel like I'm missing lots of great pics of the night, one in particular of all the girls gossipin' in a circle, but here are the highlights.

I made a rainbow cake for My Sunshine. It was a fun project. As I was mixing away getting colors right, etc and Johna was outside cleaning windows, we both looked at each other covered in our respective work (icing and sweat) and said practically simultaneously, "I'm glad you are doing what you're doing and I am doing what I am doing." Go team!

Millie took a minute to get started, but quickly figured it out. She's an icing girl. So is her Mama. She really liked how it felt in her hands and was a like a little kitten with her hands right in the middle of it just squish squish squishing.

Pops took all the cousins on Sy's Trail. Amelia and Miles are out of the picture, bringing up the rear. They played follow the leader and finished in the football field for a game of chase. So stinkin' cute!

Amelia needed zero instructions on what to do with this car from Auntie Johna. Beep beep, outta the way!

Growing up together. And now growing our kids up together.

We love you, Amelia! Happy birthday!

Girls' Reunion

2011-08-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

So, Seth finished training and graduated. We moved. We went to Honduras. My sister was already in Texas when we got back from Honduras. And then I had to turn around and leave three days later to go to Georgia for a reunion. And, let me tell you there are only three girls that I would have done this for. THE JAPANESE GIRLS of course! (Fine, I'd do it for all my friends, but leaving our house and out of town family was hard to do). I have oooo-ed and goooo-ed enough on this blog over our friendship and what we share and the miracle of us (see this post and this one), so I won't sap it up again, but this was a weekend of doing what we do best and was no exception to the magic that happens when we are together. I love that every year, at this time, our paths always lead to each other. Japanese girls, you are the truest of the true. I love you.

Final Thoughts

2011-08-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

Who knew we would have to go to Honduras to relax. Life has been spinning, not out of control, but certainly fast. It's been loads of fun, but I feel as though I have not properly processed all that Honduras offered us.

I wrote some quick notes the night before we left. Combined with new thoughts, here they are:

We leave tomorrow. I hope this is a place we return to again and again. I am certain we will. There is so much natural beauty here: the kindness of simple people, the humility of missionaries, the lush lush green, the stars between the stars (Seth said that and I love it, it should be in a song), and the hot pink sun. And yet, there is so much need. It is quite the anomaly.

Last week, when this place couldn't catch a break, I was reminded of the concept of forever. My thoughts were rolling around without much direction. Since I have written about it my head feels clearer, but I still feel our time here deserves a lot more attention, more than I have had time to give.

I was thinking about how plentiful my life is. I have rows of shoes. Rows. I hope that Ana has two. I haven't seen any on her. I was thinking about how grateful I am to have had all that I had at my disposal when Sylas was being born. He, too, was breech. I was trying to make sense of the disparity when I realized that the reason that I question the pain of today is because my heart was designed to believe in the greatness of forever. I was designed in His image, He made me to live forever, so it's natural to be all pissed off about death and pain, today. This life, it is only a snap shot of time. It is the tiniest tip of the grandest glacier. And yes, these people's lives are hard. There is tragedy all around. I've heard too many stories I truly can't bear to repeat and seen such grief. But, it is not their forever. It is a flash. And one day when our bodies stop working, when our hearts stop beating, we will experience the greatness of eternity. And in the context of God's strength, our tragedies here are small indeed.

As I was thinking of all of this free-association style, God brought all of the missionaries to mind. And yes, they are doing what they can to change these Hondurans' lives here and now, but they are far more concerned with their forever. God determines greatness not by how many people serve you, but by how many people you serve. And these people serve with such genuine love and respect. It is in their words and in their touch. I am honored to know them.

Seth has been impacted by how important it is to be in the middle of a community of believers. He commented so many times that watching so and so's faith made him better this day and that day. It has been most impressive for me to watch him grow. Sometimes I feel like I am struggling to keep up! Our view of Christianity has been evolving for awhile now into something far more beautiful than we expected. We've both known God for decades. I find Him most easily outside in the way a squirrel plays, Seth in the eucharist at mass. (We are good for each other that way). And, it's not that we have been incorrect, but perhaps just incomplete. I think God wants us to find Him in His people.

Together, Seth and I are learning the importance of the command to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them, something the missionaries in Balfate, Honduras learned long ago. I feel like we are on the brink of something that some people might call extreme. It will be interesting to see where we are led. I'm not sure how much we helped during our short stay in Honduras, but in the words of a wise woman, I know that it was no coincidence that the place blew up while we were there with people in need. Thank you God, for trusting us with your mission.

Favorite Honduras Pics

2011-08-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

Here are the last of the Honduras pictures.

On Thursday nights everyone gets together for fellowship. There's music and food and sharing and prayer. The guy that started this hospital is one of those McGyver types that can do anything, so I wasn't surprised to see him sitting at the keyboard playing and singing with his whole family as back up.
Kelley got to Honduras to play with us on a Sunday. Hip hip hooray!

Seth went on a three hour hike into the mountains to a village called Paradise. These people have very little and live the simplest of lives. There are different projects that the hospital supports. This day they installed solar panels for them.

A game of soccer once they reached the top.
Solar panels
Their house and the huge meal they prepared for their guests.

Lions Club donated 80,000 glasses to the clinic. We helped organize them.

Some rejects. The glasses are pretty bad too.

I emailed Kelley an SOS that I wish I would've packed more toys for kids. So she loaded up her suitcase with things that they would love.

They did!
Brad, the agriculture missionary, playing with the kiddos.

One of the house moms returning from her week off. The kids went running out to her, hanging on her skirt and waiting for their hug. It was so great to see how well nurtured they are. They literally raced to her.

That day a gringa showed up at the house and invited us over to her house. She was caring for two little girls who needed some more medical attention at the hospital (seen by Seth actually) and she then walked over to the orphanage where we were. We struck up a conversation and enjoyed an afternoon together.

We hopped in the back of her truck (my babies in their stroller) and took off. I know my friends are taking a collective gasp of disbelief and shock that kids are not properly five point harnessed in Honduras. It took a while to get used to, not that you should, of course. It was only a couple of blocks down the dirt road if it helps. :)

Her beautiful house.

She had a little fresh water spring, a beautiful stretch of beach, a grazing horse, baby kittens, three dogs, and very thankful guests.

So the Sullys could use a little color.

This is the water out of a bag concept.

While traveling there is always at least one person, a local, who comes along and takes you under their wing without even knowing that they are doing it and agrees to a conversation with you, speaks slowly and with intention so you can get it all, and puts up with the butchering of their language in order to show you kindness. Just to be nice.

And these ladies were so nice. We exchanged stories for the longest time. I don't care that the picture is bad. It is worth it to me to put it up anyway. Just their silhouettes help me remember what their smiles looked like.

Movie night at Brad and Trish's house!

Bilingual school. I have always maintained that I have an impressive list of the things that I can do with a baby on my hip. I added to my list.

Kelley being mauled by sweet sweet babies.

My favorite student, Onil.

One evening we walked over to the Children's Center on a whim. Seth finally got an opportunity to enjoy the kids. They LOVED him.

They fought for their turn with him. If kids in general don't like the name Seth, foreign kids especially don't. They couldn't remember it and instead would just yell "Dock- Tore!"

These kids just ADORED Amelia and she had quite enough of it.

My Ana.

The back of the Children's Center. The hut is where the kitchen is. It is such a nicely run place. I miss them.

Sy appreciating the sheep. Juancito appreciating Sy appreciating the sheep.

Kelley made a special friend in Gladys. As Kelley was leaving for the last time, Gladys followed her out and slipped a present in her hand-- a lady bug key chain.

Who needs toys when you have dad's underwear (not pictured), mom's hat, and a spaghetti strainer? Sy would put on Seth's boxers and claim that they made him look like Jesus, then he would find my hat, strum the strainer like a banjo and sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame. He wouldn't let me take a picture of the whole get up, but that's OK, I don't need proof cause there's no way you could make this stuff up.

Our last three days in Honduras were spent at a nice hotel where we enjoyed fruity drinks and swimming pools. Here are the kids on our balcony.

If you don't think the love of missionaries is for real test it by leaving your family's passports at the hospital, drive a teeth rattling four hours down dirt riveted roads several towns away, call the hospital in a state of panic, and see what happens. Brad and Trish brought us our passports and we shared a wonderful meal together. For so many reasons they are such dear friends.

Easy, machete man.

The ice cream man looks the same in Honduras as he does in Houston.

Another one of those people that took us under his wing to teach us about the home that he was so proud of.

The Garifunas braiding. I almost had Kelley talked into it.

Our last dinner in Honduras was on this porch while the most impressive of thunderstorms rolled in. It was awesome! Cheers, Honduras! We will be back. Again and again. I miss you.

When in Rome

2011-07-19T05:55:00.000-07:00

Well, hello little gecko. You want to take a shower with me? Thass cool.

Soak my veggies in BLEACH before eating them? Wait, bleach? Thass cool.

Oh! A cockroach and a tree frog fighting over who gets to sit shotgun in the car? Thass cool.

Oh geez oh geez oh geez. So y'all don't really brake for cows in the road? (Hold breath) Thassss coool.

Look at that! Little bugs crawling around in my brand new bag of rice! Thass cool.

Also eat the rind on this piece of watermelon? Thass cool.

Rain on my line dried laundry for the THIRD time? Thass cool.

This fruit? That looks like an eyeball? Suck on it, you say? Thass cool.

Awww. Look. A tiny little caterpillar perfectly preserved in my ice cube. Thass cool.

So you bite off the corner and drink the water out of this plastic ziploc-like bag? Thass cool.

Yes. Yes, it IS good that your cat kills the mice and leaves them at our door so they don't get inside. You're right. Thasss cool.

5:00 am as a new wake up time, Mr. Rooster? NOT cool. Not cool at all.

*Things have slowed down around here (thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes-- I have the best support system around) and things have gotten way more fun because Kelley got here Sunday. We have already had many very memorable experiences. Love you all.

Prayers Please

2011-07-17T05:50:00.000-07:00

This place needs prayer.

In a matter of three days a man has been diagnosed (by Seth) with esophogial cancer and there's nothing to do about it-- he won't exactly get chemo here. A man has come in with kidney failure and is dying-- he won't exactly get dialysis here. A woman came in with a partially delivered breech baby that died--Seth was first on the scene. A kid came in with a terrible machete wound to his leg requiring layers of stitches. Another machete wound, another guy. Both of them sewed up by Seth. A family brought their brother in who had shot himself in the head and died at the hospital--Seth first on the scene again. The kids and I saw the body and the grieving family (kids were clueless). A 15 year old girl in labor at 20 weeks came in last night. Seth was up all night with her delivering. The baby obviously died. The parents of premature twins-- no not the malnourished ones, another set-- insisted that they take the babies home even though they needed much much more care. No one could say or do anything to change their minds. The doctors felt like they were sending them home to die. Along with many other more trivial cases. In just three days.

While the volume of patients is typical, we hear, the intensity of the patients is not and this little campus is feeling attacked.

And for those of you who may be worried about Seth (I was), don't. He went in to medicine for just this. And, if you're worried about me and the kids, don't. We are playing everyday with malnourished twins and foster kids, learning more Spanish, and keeping busy and adjusting to the culture.

But please pray for a less dramatic next couple of days, these families affected by loss and pain, and the people that care for them.

A Heavy Day

2011-07-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

My heart hurts today. On our way out this morning there was a knock at the door that Seth was needed for an emergency. He rushed off while the kids and I took our time doing a couple of loads of laundry. We slowly made our way to the bodega next to the hospital where we eat our morning baleadas. I didn't think much of the "emergency" and just thought that they were calling him in early because they needed extra hands. As we were sitting there Seth showed up and told me that his emergency was a woman who delivered a breech baby at home (all births are at home here) and could only deliver the body and the shoulders, the baby was stuck by its neck. A little boy. From the mountains she traveled three hours with her baby partially delivered to get to a hospital. The baby died. The thought of that mother scared and in trauma and helpless for three whole hours is devastating. The thought of her sitting 100 feet away from me in that hospital saying goodbye to her baby that she felt and loved and hoped for but never got to meet is heartbreaking. Seth has seen a lot of things that would never happen in the States; he has also seen a lot that would. I see no need to change the way that these people live so that it looks like something that we are more familiar with. But. But, what if there was a hospital closer by? What if a lady in her village was a trained midwife? With poverty like this I know that death is looked at differently. I know that. But I also know the heart of a mama and mine hurts for her today. The kids and I are laying low today. We've seen a lot since we have been here, but this feels different.

On a different note, here are some pictures that I haven't had time to post until now. And, Seth in addition to the above had an amazing God-filled morning that I will post about later.

The entrance to the hospital. With guards and a rope.

People from the mountains have to cross four rivers to get to the hospital. In the dry season they look like this, in the wet season they are raging.

Typical site.

I was honored to go to the bilingual school. When la directora heard I was a special education teacher by trade she instantly had me with a group of struggling kiddos with a white board in my hand. Afterwards she asked if I could come everyday. While I would love to it's not practical for my kids and I would need a driver to get there. Not to mention we are having fun at the foster care center everyday. Hopefully next year.

Farm behind the foster care center.

Stage one chicks.
Little sweeties.

Juan, Sylas, Maria, Roni, y Ana.

2011-07-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

The days festivities started being adored by the children at the foster care center. You always fall asleep on our walk there and the sweet kids keep one eye on the stroller until you wake up. And when you finally do... they swarm you with the sweetest little Spanish mutterings to transition you easily into being awake. You found a comfy lap with one of the older girls and today the little ones fought over who would give you their watermelon. During your extra long nap ( you sleep so well here!) I tried to figure out how to make you a Honduran birthday cake. It wasn't easy-- rounding up ingredients was a chore and icing just melts. We made do. There was a get together tonight and the whole hospital was able to celebrate you. Everyone sang and clapped and cheered you on as you dug into your cake. Your first birthday was celebrated in a foreign country by missionaries-- I like to think that this is a great way to start. You are a blessing, Amelia.

"Esta despierta! Esta despierta!" "She's awake She's awake!"

This is EXACTLY the way your brother touches your head.

A comfy lap.

They were ugly, but they were actually pretty good. The big one was for the grown ups with caramel icing and the little one was the tear into cake. I didn't bring decorations so I decorated with one of her bows which I thought was pretty fitting.

The whole hospital singing Happy Birthday.

New friends.

Happy Birthday to the Boppingest Bops. We love you, Sweet Girl.

Grammy's Letter to You

2011-07-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

A year ago today we were rushing around getting ready to go to the hospital, anticipating the healthy arrival of a brand new baby into our sweet home.

An hour late without our even knowing it, we paused at a stoplight for a quick and united prayer for God's angels to protect, deliver and be present in the most miracaculous of miracles. We didn't even know what an exciting adventure it would be! Totally void of drama and suspiciously opposite from the televised scenarios, Amelia was born to a supportive and strong father and wise and calm mother. The single most important moment of my life thus far was being invited into the delivery room, where I was overwhelmed by the loving devotion and purpose in there, with a serenity and tangible feeling of God's mighty love and joyous celebration at the birth of another warrior for His plan for our lives. Amelia was born with such peace and harmony, with a magnetic personality intact from the start! Adored instantly, she glowed, as did her parents. Thank you from her and Sy's grandparents for this unbelievable realization that our lives are unfolding in the most wonderful way. The most splendid, blessed and wonderful way!

Love always from Grammy and Pops

Amelia Magdeline

2011-07-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

My Sweet Amelia-

I can't believe you are one year old! I remember so vividly the day that you finally got here, our long awaited one. And yet, you have grown and explored and discovered with such tenacity that I can't believe you have only had twelve short months to fit it all in. Our go-getter! When your going and getting gets the best of your dad and me, we chuckle to ourselves that it's our own fault for naming you Amelia-- explorista extraordinaire, dare devil, and trail blazer. You are so strong.

I already admire so much about you, Millie-- your courage stands out the most. My innocent one playing in the mud, you fill a place in my heart I didn't know was empty. This year's moments have been warm, special, and giggly. Your wide smile and determined steps clutch my heart. It's amazing to me to think of how long I have been dreaming of you and who you would be. I think my heart always knew I would have a little girl. But, what it didn't know was just how strong you would be.

Your spirit is so bold, and sweet, and free, Amelia, and in all of my hoping I could have never hoped for more than all that you are and all that you add to our family. I am so curious to see what your next steps will be and I am so honored to be the one holding your hand as you take them.

Precious, my prayer for you is love. That's it. Just love. As I watch you conquer, watch you sleep, my prayer is always the same-- that you meet people with love and hope and optimism, that you find God and beauty in things unfamiliar, and that you chase whatever it is that makes you feel the most like Amelia Magdeline the way only a Millie Bop can.

I have watched you this year in awe. In awe of the size of my heart, the size of your spirit and the size of His plans for you. Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. You are our pride, our joy, our Sunshine.

Assimilating

2011-07-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

We are starting to get a schedule and that feels good. Seth worked Friday and then (surprise!) it was a weekend so we enjoyed Honduras as a family without having to work-- a foreign concept to us right now. There's a beach just down the road. We went Saturday as a family. A Honduras beach is a little different than a Galveston beach. Chickens don't line the shores of Galveston beaches and the waters are just wee bit different in hue. Mountains lie in the backdrop and grass thatched roofs peak out from the trees. But there are similarities, too. The same things will sting you, people live dangerously close to the shore, and all beaches smell the same.

There's a lady just outside the gate of the hospital that will make you lunch if you ask her. It's always fried chicken and it's always goooood. She has a little outdoor kitchen and you sit and wait while she hand makes you beans and tortillas. It takes a minute, but it's worth it.

We went to church here on site and it was the smallest, most intimate group of people. They raise their hands high and sing loud and praise God the best they can. It was nice to be a part of such honest worship. That afternoon we took a walk and saw some kids playing outside of a big house that we gathered was the foster care center-- we had heard there was one. We walked in and started talking to them as best we could and they included Sy in a little soccer game. We left in time to get cleaned up because we had plans for that night.

We had a dinner date and I see why people get interested in doing this full time. (Don't worry). There's a small group of people here that have made each other their family, they live simply without the chaos that seems to come from... oh things back home whether it's pop culture, excess, stereotypes, difficult people, or worldliness in general. They are just nice people serving God with an important job to do. I know we will come back here again and again, and that's what we were looking for-- a second home, a place to come and give.

So, Monday Seth was back at work. That left me and the kids to discover Honduras on our own. I put the kids in the stroller and took a little walk outside the gate. We needed some eggs and I heard there was a little pulperia not too far away and I wanted to see if those kids were outside again. The kids' house came first and I walked up to the door and to our surprise and delight, all the older kids were at school and it was only the younger ones hanging out at the house. So a house full of preschool aged kids were very happy to see us. We walked in the house and played for well over thirty minutes trying our best to communicate but mainly just laughing until I remembered that I had play dough in my diaper bag. Instant hit! I made one pelota y culebra after another as fast as I could. I don't think they had ever seen play dough before. There was also a little farm behind the house with goats and sheep and chickens that we got to look at for quite some time, all for slaughter I presume. But Sy and Amelia enjoyed watching them and asked a million questions about them. The kids started to get cranky so we left but it was a perfect morning and I left feeling proud of myself for venturing out in a foreign country with small children, for getting out of my comfort zone to walk up to a door and knock on it, and for carrying play dough in my bag.

Seth came home from his day of work with a sly grin on his face. He asked me if I knew how much the Sullivan family made that day. He answered before I could, "ZERO dollars! And I have never felt better about a day's work." The other docs consult with him about a lot of their patients and that makes him proud. They also brought in a difficult case just for him. It was a little boy who lives at the city dump with an infection that they haven't quite been able to diagnose. It all just feels good, to be used in this way.

I went back to the children's home again this morning and this time the house mother announced something about blancacita (little white girl) and the little ones instantly surrounded us and fought to be the first to hug my knees.

Before we left Minnesota Seth and I were finishing Purpose Driven Life and if I had to sum up the book, I would say that the message is about augmenting your soul, it's the only thing that goes with you. I don't know all that God has for me (we are in such a time of transition), but Honduras and College Station and our special friends and our close family certainly make my soul feel bigger.

It's devastating to me, and I really can't talk about it but I lost my camera. I'm going to try to borrow one because seeing these little Honduran sweeties is a MUST.

Honduras- Getting Here

2011-07-08T19:15:00.001-07:00

On the way here. Kids are handling this bus waaaay better than me.

This is Eva. She is Amelia's age.

We played with her today and Sy made her giggle lots.

This is the waterfall we went to tonight. If you notice, there is a dude hanging from that tree limb.

I jumped too, but not form the tree.

Sy looking out the window on the way home.

In one day our family rode a plane for three hours, waited in an airport for four, rode a bus for 30 minutes, waited in another station for an hour, rode another bus for four hours, went grocery shopping in a foreign country after thirteen hours of travel, then rode a mechanical bull (to say that the road is unpaved is not descriptive enough) into the mountains of Honduras for one and a half hours when eight seconds is more than plenty. The trek was a challenge to say the least. It was over fifteen hours of travel and when I was doing that regularly to and from Japan, it was without two toddlers. The kids and the grown ups took turns being OVERRRR it yesterday. The kids were simply wild on the plane, that's it, it was amazing to me how when things got really long and hot they were little cherubs. In one day I likened them to rabid chimps and cheerful cherubs-- that's parenting. This morning was still a little rough and I was beginning to worry that I had dragged my family to the middle of nowhere to be miserable for three weeks. But things are better. Much better.

Now that we are here and cooling off it is easier to see the charm. Some immediate observations: villages don't seem to have stray dogs as much as they have stray horses, they are just hanging out on the side of the road, everywhere; I know that my babies are just as cute in the US as they are here and yet these lovely Honduran women just swoon over Amelia and Sylas; air conditioning is a hot commodity; and no matter how terrible my Spanish is these people just rattle off to me like I have good sense and am a native-- I feel so included!

Seth started in the hospital today. There was a kid the other docs were seeing and he had a swollen knee. The other docs had it tapped and it came back showing a high white blood cell count which means infection. Instead of just giving the infection antibiotics and moving on, Seth was curious WHY there was this infection. After thinking about it a bit, he asked the boy to open his mouth and sure enough there was a nasty broken tooth. I do not pretend to know why a tooth makes a knee swollen nor do I claim that I explained any of that right, all I know is that Seth left feeling like he had done good work today.

While he was doing that, the kids and I played with a set of malnourished twins that the hospital has been caring for for a while now. They came in at 8 months and weighed approximately 8 pounds. They are now Amelia's age and the differences are startling.

We got an invitation today to go to the waterfall and swim. It was nice. Really nice. We cooled off, got to know great people, jumped off things that were high, drove through beautiful Honduran landscape, and thanked God that things finally started to look up.

Family Photos as We Move On

2011-07-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's because I know how I feel at the time that Sarah takes our pictures but I feel like every session has a theme or a message, and this time I really feel Sarah captured celebrating the time that we had in Minnesota and also needing to move on. Our world is getting bigger. Here is a slideshow that I made of our favorites. Sarah Field is amazing if you don't already know! http://sarahfieldphotography.com/

Sarah Field's Latest Feat

2011-07-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have always believed in Sarah Field's powers and while I did consider them magical, I never really appreciated that the woman is in fact MA-GIC-AL, like going back in time and changing things magical!! My kids whined, pouted, cried, screamed this entire photo shoot. How anything the least bit charming was captured is nothing but miraculous. But check it out- charm abounds!

Thank you, Sarah Field!!!!!

Seth's first days as a Texan

2011-07-06T09:38:00.001-07:00

Seth, Brea and Kyle made their maiden voyage six days after mom, dad, the kids and the dogs, and me. This was after Justin and Dakota came to pack the last crap of the crappiest crap. Except for only a couple of things, it would have been fine if the trailer they were pulling fell down a ravine never to be seen again. Dakota's and Justin's texts kept me grinning but I'm pretty sure I would be cussing if I had to do that packing. We are blessed to have the partners that we do. Speaking of, they drove straight through with a small switch a roo in Des Moines with Kyle doing the hardest hours of midnight to 5am.

Open mouthed, completely agape, all three of them got out of the car, and if I'm lying I'm dying, as if I said, "God, cue the deer!" four deer crept out of the woods to eat the deer corn in our yard just as they were getting out of the truck. It was amazing. And I swear I'm still not lying that when they saw us, they didn't run or even back off, they came closer! God is good.

With only a couple of minutes on Texas soil Brea and Kyle started scheming ways to get internships, or get their masters, or nanny, or coach, anything! to be here. I love it. The house was absolutely beautiful and Seth was so amazed at how deceptive the pictures are.

It wasn't long before we headed to the hill country to float on the river, relax with friends, and celebrate the 4th. Gruene is an impossible place to explain without sounding like one of those Texans who thinks that Texas is the ONLY place to live on earth (I hear they make 'em that way), but it truly is magical there. The bars are little and quaint, the music is twangy, the people are friendly and warm, the beer is overflowing, the river is cold, the hills are green, the mood is nothing but enthusiastic. Strangers say bless you when you sneeze, pinch your babies' cheeks, offer to fill your beer if it's getting low, and compliment your hat. We had a house that backed up to the river and I was so excited for Seth to kick up his feet and relax in his new home state. Lord knows he deserves it.

When evening rolled around a party kicked up next door to our house and our 81 year old Mr. Nixon helped us all go meet our neighbors. He led the way as we walked up and introduced ourselves. Within seconds we all had beers whether we wanted one or not, we were all in lawn chairs chatting with our new friends, and we were being recruited to sing country songs on the karaoke machine (karaoke finds us, I can't explain it). We danced there, we slipped and slided there, we sang our hearts out, and laughed til it hurt at Mr. Nixon's shenanigans, Kyle's dance moves, and Larry's slip and slide "technique".

At one point late in the night, Seth turned and looked at me and said: Ok, let me get this straight, it's my first night in Texas, and I am in the hill country on the edge of a river, at a stranger's party, singing old country music with a Texas flag and an American flag bannered behind me. Some guy in a ratty cowboy hat and a sun burn keeps offering me beer. There's a 50 yard slip and slide drunk people including myself are throwing themselves down. There's a newborn asleep on the porch. Everyone is chanting "hero" while 81 year old Gene Nixon sings God Bless America. And there's a shirtless hill billy with a dip in cracking a bull whip. THIS. IS. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! I love this place. Home sweet home.

Indeed, it is.

Millie Bop loved the water most of all. She is a dare-devil-exploring-dunking-her-own-self-riot.

Mr. Nixon and his harem. He was a hit!

This Iowan blew everyone away with George. They quit calling him a yankee after Amarillo By Morning.

Slip and Slide. I did it too. Duh.

They WERE doing a great rendition of Gone until...

I love how Brea and Kyle look on a Texas porch!

The Trek

2011-07-06T08:56:00.000-07:00

Our journey was snafu free. I only wanted to tranquilize Sy with doggie downers once and only threatened to leave mom at a rest stop twice. The second day, a twelve hour day of travel, we only stopped twice. This came close to pushing everyone over the edge except for me and Maya. We were the only REAL troopers.

It feels great to be here. We have already had three sets of guests: Beef and Miles, the Huntley girls, and Brea and Kyle. A Chinese food delivery guy said while handing us our food, " I am so lucky to have discovered a hidden paradise today." And it sure is peaceful. We wake up to turtles and tree frogs on the porch, deer at the end of the drive, too many birds to count which is Sy's favorite and I love that he already has a favorite.

Home Sweet Home.

This was a storm chasing truck. That we were at the same rest stop was unsettling. Did they know something we didn't?

We started off with a texting plan to let Aunt B know when we were passing so we could blow kisses, we ended up getting a real kiss instead. Two hotties in the salsa room salsa dancing.

It was a house full and it was such a great afternoon to share with family on our way to Texas. Lucky us!

Might as well load up. Juan was good to us.

Sy exploring his new home. He took off for the woods with a diaper, sandals, and a pacifier. His name actually means Man of the Woods.

Millie found a turtle and if it was a snapper, I have little doubt that she would snap right back.

Thatta girl.

This isn't actually our yard, but across the street at the edge of our driveway.

And no lie, this was my fortune cookie the second night in this house. Hee hee.

Farewell, Rochester

2011-06-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is one of those posts that if I had time I would let sit around unpublished for months because I would insist on being a perfectionist about the write up and it's just not possible. Rochester, MN is too big in me to put into these tiny little neat paragraphs. So instead of perseverating on the right words, I have to just get them out there, push that orange button, and get on with it because things are happening fast!

So even though this isn't the send off it deserves, I wanted to highlight some of my favorite parts of my heart in the heartland. Know that my heart broke leaving that place. Know that I wish I was more eloquent for times like these. Minnesota knows.

Great Harvest was the first way that I made Rochester a home. Seth was working ungodly hours and I needed a little something for just me and Great Harvest was the way that I took care of myself. That step was guided because here's what came out of it: Dan, Kacie, Katie, Doug and Rhonda, Erica, Tony, Jessica, Tyler, Huddleston family, Adam, Jenna, Ryan Lee, Melanie and Nate, and Challa. I mean I could go on. My point is that it's ridiculous how much this place gave me. It was a second home, a date spot, a time killer, a calorie packer onner. And I love Dan Sweeney. He's the boss of all bosses and the perfect combination of tough guy and sweetheart.

This is Java Detour. I often used this place as a lullaby for my kids. Lemme explain. When the kids wouldn't go down for a nap and days that I didn't feel like wrestling them down for a nap, I would often, at nap time, put them in the car, drive the five minutes to Java Detour, get my Quad sports tea, and drive back home. By the time it was all over the kids were snoozing, we would make the easy transition to bed, and viola! sleeping children AND I have tea to enjoy. So, they knew my name, had my tea ready before I pulled up to the window, and if they didn't I got to say "I'll have my usual" which, be honest, everyone wants a place where they can just say "Hi Melissa! The usual, please."

We have great neighbors that come over without calling and deliver beers, or snow blow your driveway, and sometimes both in one day. I loved our neighborhood for it's tree lined streets and friendly people.

This is the play ground on the street that heads out of our neighborhood. It was about five blocks away and we loved it's convenience. However, it could be tricky getting out of the neighborhood on a day that Sy really wanted to go and you really didn't. Driving past it which we obviously did all the time, had potential to turn into a debate, a negotiation, a melt down, or all of the above. PS- the other way wasn't much better because the Binnickers lived on that road which could easily send us into the same scenario. Amazing I didn't insist we be housebound.

OK, I know this is weird but I LOVE my bank. LOVE them. It's probably not everyday that someone could say that their bank is their Cheers, but seriously they were so good to me. I could call Eric and do a number of things (cry, beg, explain- just kidding, kind of) and they were always so wonderful. I remarked once as I drove through the drive through how it was amazing how there were no red lights and sirens at just the sight of me and Sue said, "Oh no, there are. But it's just cause we're so happy to see you!". They gave my kids toys and me all the patience in the world and there is no way I'll find another bank like that.

My emotions really get me on this one. These are the women that took care of Sy and Millie at the gym. And they really loved my kids. Not because they had to, they just really did. They were the first people that I left both of them with and it's silly but I'm bawling typing this. They fought over my kids and I know people think I'm just exaggerating because I usually am, but not this time. They would shoo me away to go work out longer because not everyone "got a turn" with Sy and Millie. Luckily, one day Seth got to see the fuss so I have a witness. There is just something beautiful about people that love your kids when they don't have to, and I am so thankful to these women for the peace they gave me and the nurturing they gave Sylas and Amelia.

Oh, this is another one that can make me bawl. Sylas loves the Binnickers. I love the Binnickers. They are all older than him and he runs just as fast as his little feet will take him in order to keep up. There is no one who impresses him more than a Binnicker. We went to go have ice cream together as families one of our last days and those boys saying goodbye to him with hugs and high fives knowing they wouldn't see him in a while, and Sy being so innocently unaware was the first time I cried about leaving. I bawled all the way home. For us both, me and Sy. There is no way we can find neighbors like that again.

Jessica is my good time girl. A true friend that delights and never disappoints. We've shared porches, couches, drinks, bakery shifts, the microphone, and hopes and dreams. I don't worry about not seeing Jess. I mean, I'm already in the wedding! Love you.

I can't find a picture of my rogue comet, but you know you're on here, Ton Loc. I know our paths will wind and wind until they cross again. Keep dreaming. I will miss our long talks about the latest, and there's always a latest. :) Love.

Doug and Rhonda are two of my very favorite people who are so good to me! They are so generous and genuine in spirit and I learn something everytime I'm around them both. I leave them feeling like I just inhaled the biggest, deepest breath of the freshest air. They were Sy's first babysitters and I will miss my mid day dates with them.

We had a goodbye date with Bridget and her kids. I've known Bridget and her great parents since I very first moved here and we both have been on quite a journey. Luckily for me they are perfect facebooking buddies and I really need to get to Montana sometime anyway. :)

Sarah Field is an inspiration to me. I love the way she parents, and befriends, and creates, and evolves, and karaokes. I won't have to miss her art but I will have to miss her. But there are some people in this world that are worth visiting in Minnesota in February, and I'll do it! Don't make me, but I will!!

My play group. Well, we said goodbye to each other for two weeks. It really was excessive. Our husbands were wondering when the madness would stop until we let them come one of the nights and then we all wondered why we hadn't been doing that all along. But, like I said, some people make traveling in blizzards worth it.

So I made a slide show of our play group (which really no one would be interested in except for us) and the song behind it was "Thank You for Being a Friend". I've been signing it for a month now. These girls will do that to you. We were laughing at ourselves, our last night together, and making a list of why we are so cool together. Not all of it is blog appropriate without a lot of explaining so I will just hit the highlights.

First off, communal living is always on the table, along with the arranged marriages of our charges. These things have worked famously for centuries. Why not? We walk in each others' homes without knocking, we look in each others' fridges without asking and ask why you're out of flavored creamer. We discipline each others' children and do each others' laundry, boxer shorts and all. Our husbands put up with other women obviously folding their delicates, late night girls' nights, and tmi tmi tmi. We run each others' errands, grab each others' groceries, and feed each other when the going gets tough. Our kids wear each other's clothes and catch each other's colds and the most God awful diarrhea you ever did see. Or smell. Many a boob can be out at one time, never quite all of us at once though-- there's still time. I have literally taken the shoes off of one their feet. When we are together laughter and compliments abound. If anyone's clothes are ever mentioned for being cute, 9 times out of 10, the response is that it came from the thrift store. We share prayer requests, menstrual cycles, joys and frustrations, the highs and the lows, and this precious moment in time. As we were reminiscing and relishing how special we are to one another and how it's all about to change, Jackie was reminded of the movie Sandlot. At the end, the narrator is talking about his childhood baseball buddies and makes the comment that one by one everyone moved away and they never even tried to replace them, they just kept on playing the game. And this thought seemed to cast a new glow on our new situation. There will be days that I wish so much. (Cry.) So much. (Can't see, crying.) That I was playing this game closer to them. (Totally uncontrollable ugly cry.) Because in so many ways I feel they taught me how to play the most important game I will ever play. What always tempers the ugly cry is the thought of February plane tickets to Texas. Get here, girls!

This is such a special place to me. This isn't my whole life here just most of it. I will miss many more things: Monkey Junction, Leah, my friend and knitting partner, free kid movie days, and Side by Side which actually got it's own post. Rochester was our first real home. We brought our babies home here. It was an easy place to call ours. Farewell, Rochester.

Check this Out

2011-06-20T13:08:00.003-07:00

Here is link to the post about my Dad moving us that showed up out of order and you probably didn't see.

Kendigs

2011-06-20T13:08:00.001-07:00

These pictures are all out of order and I'm doing so many entries that I don't have the energy to fix it.

We've had this in the books for quite sometime knowing that a weekend together with the Kendigs would be a must before we headed south. It was a perfect weekend filled with family fun, grown up fun, outside fun, stage diving fun, fashion fun, ice cream and coffee fun, and laugh til you pee fun fun fun. It would have been a sad farewell but the Kendigs already have travel plans. :) October!!! Here are pictures of our weekend!

Foster Arend beach

Seth insisted on drinking out of this tea cup the whole weekend. I made him lift his pinky.

Trace being a cop, a Lieutenant actually. (!!!!)

Trace and his fancy blue drink. I made him lift his pinky.

Some of my girlfriends met us out for karaoke.

We had a bit of fun together. This group had a perfect dynamic and perfect pitch if you asked any of us.

Seth and Sonia do a power ballad love song together and...

Matt and I say "whaaaaaas up wit dat????!!!!" It took seven tries to get this picture. We were laughing hysterically.

Love you, Kendigs!

Graduation

2011-06-20T13:07:00.003-07:00

Seth is an amazing doctor. It's just true. I've noticed that that is what I say after I brag shamelessly-- "it's just true!"-- as if the fact that it's true makes it any less annoying for people to read about. But, as I prepare to brag shamelessly on my husband, please remember this blog is for Sy and Millie who will one day love to read about their father's accolades. Maybe this will make me more tolerable in the next few moments.

Seth works harder than anyone I know. More hours and with more thought, concern, perfectionism and passion than anyone I know. And while ridiculously amazing test scores are great resume builders, what anyone who has supervised, worked alongside or been cared for by Seth will say is that he possesses so many intangibles that are simply impossible to teach. He has the ability to sit next to you and make you feel comfortable and important in a terribly uncomfortable and vulnerable situation. Patients tell him things they don't tell other doctors. He's been referred to as the kind of fellow that comes along once in a lifetime, his evaluations are just novellas going on and on about his character and skill, and perhaps most importantly everyone just genuinely likes him so much. It was so special to sit next to him this night.

His graduating class.

Justin and Johna came up for the weekend. Having them there to witness this part of his life was so bonding and fun. We had an amazing night celebrating him and the four of us.

The program director is a funny guy. It wasn't the stiff graduation you might be thinking of. I mean, He lip synced his own medically themed Ring of Fire. So when each fellow came up, he had a little youtube song for them specially picked out just for them. This is was Seth's-- two good ol' boys (and the wandering third) strummin and singin' about starched jeans and cowboy hats, an ode to Texas I presume.

When Dr. Berbari was being funny he spoke of Seth's muscles, he really did keep commenting on how muscular he was, and when he was being serious he spoke of those intangibles I mentioned.

Seth was so happy to introduce the three of us to his mentors and colleagues. Seth is so amazing about devoting nights and celebrations to others that it was really fun for him to be the star. Justin and Johna were perfect partners this night.

We went to our favorite tapas place, fine the only tapas place, and had an amazingly fun dinner with cosmic conversation, the best of dates.

The waitress admired how much fun we were having and even though they didn't usually celebrate anything but birthdays she thought we deserved a treat. We agreed.

CAAWW!

Bros and best friends.

Family and best friends.

The next day we went to a cattle show because we had a second cousin in town showing.

Heifer took Grand Champion!

Sy caught his nap in the stands so we could spend the whole day there. What a trooper. Later we went and had dinner with them and I loved meeting more of Seth's family, it's huge. Seth didn't know these people well so it was fun for him to connect. Seth and Justin went back the next day as well (Johna and I stayed back) and his cousin said as he was going to bed that night he was struck by how well Seth and Justin married. He was struck by how well matched we were and how well Johna and I complement our boys, and he felt God wanted him to tell them that. So he did. :) It's nice when your love sticks out and strikes someone and makes them happy before they go to bed.

Play time. Sy hit his first baseball ever pitched by the one and only Auntie Johna. He nails it off a tee, but it never occurred to me to pitch it to him. Well she did, and he swung!

We did some yard work and ate too much and talked too long and had a great weekend celebrating Seth. We stayed up past 2 AM (!) both nights of the weekend which in parent-of-toddlers-equvialent-time is like 4 am. Thank you for a perfect weekend. We will miss you Mother Mayo.

Iowa MIscellaneous

2011-06-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

Our last month in the midwest, Seth and I tried to get to Iowa as much as possible. I went several times and Seth got there once or twice-- he's busier than me. We didn't get as much time there as we'd like, but we made the rounds and said some "see you laters".

Millie learned that she LOVES drinking out of Auntie Johna's tea glass. She was diving for it and trying to wrestle it away.

So, I kinda stole a pic of Donna. It actually wasn't intentional-- she doesn't like her picture taken. So I was taking this of the kids and I just love her expression in the background so I posted it even though it might make her mad. Naaaah. She is so good to my kids, and to me, and to her daughter, and to her grandkids, and to her son in law, and to my parents, ok everyone! She called herself "Grandma" to my kids and it made my heart sing. I love Donna.

It's always so great to go to church with Great Grandma. She has such a lovely circle of friends. We got to surprise her there on Mother's Day and have coffee after.

It was Beautification Day at Johna's and it was GREAT to work side by side with these people. Not everyone made the picture.

The Dieleman's have moved to Pennsylvania and Seth came in town for 12 hours to see them since it will be awhile 'til next time. Our kids play so great together. We always talk about the trouble they will undoubtedly get in together in the years to come. We have decided Claire and Amelia will be the ring leaders.

Sarah and I and our margaritas. By the way, I went to visit Sarah by myself a couple of weeks before and never blogged about it because I didn't take my camera. But, what I would have said is that she is superwoman! She was doing at home day care while her husband lived somewhere else in the middle of a move. You'd have to lock me up.

The boys had a jumping off the swing contest. Yep.

And we might have to make this an annual event.

Dakota is perfection to me and I didn't know he could get any perfecter until he showed me his insane work out and Seth his navy card push up trick. It's a long story but it was a fun night.

Here we are about to go work out. This might be my "bring it" face. I didn't have a hair thing so I borrowed Amelia's. It didn't work. And, yeah, he brought it.

Here Amelia shows Grandma how easily she walks. It was fun to show her all the tricks.

Grandpa is so good with the babies. His lap is a comfy place for them!

I can think of a million lunch dates, dinner dates, and slumber parties I'd like to have in Iowa. This isn't goodbye! We will be back very very soon.

Have I mentioned that I have the BEST friends?

2011-06-20T12:40:00.000-07:00

A request to go to our neighborhood bar with Sonia, ended up with us sitting there looking at a parking lot full of minivans. At the bar? In the middle of the day? Seth pointed out that all the vehicles were JUST LIKE ALL of my friends' vans. Hmmmmm? True.

Sure enough there were all of my favorite Minnesotans in one room waiting or us when we walked in. SURPRISE!!!! ish. ;)

Sylas was delighted as well.

The young girls showed up which was just so dang nice.

Jessica showed up which was just so stinkin' nice.

Dan showed up which is just so flippin' NICE!

And the Binnickers were there which was just so absolutely NICE!!!

Leah showed up which was just so so so SOOOOO nice!!!!

Kathy and Gordon showed up which was just incredibly NIIIIIIIICE!!!

Of course my play group was responsible for all of this and they and all of their families were there too. I told you, I have the BEST friends!!!

A shot of the room. Our family had a blast with all of these wonderful friends. No "goodbyes", only "see you laters" to go round.

Katie was bummed she only thought to put "We'll miss y'all" after the fact. She has learned how to throw in a perfect "y'all" into her everyday vernacular. I'm good for something!

Thank you, play group, for making us feel so so so loved. I don't know how to ever leave you, so I guess I won't!

Romantic Dinosaurs

2011-06-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

One of the readings at Matt and Michelle's wedding read by the just the right two people in just the right setting for just the right couple.

A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur's cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.
He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
He is also overly fond of things.
Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.
Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
Look at them.
Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

And that, my friends, is how it is with love.
Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
For the sun is warm.
And the world is a beautiful place

Matty and Michelle's Wedding

2011-05-31T19:15:00.000-07:00

Matt Lawrence is one of Seth's best friends from flight school in Pensacola. I LOVE me some Matty Lawrence. I will try not to gush too much because sometimes I even annoy myself. But I L-O-V-E Matt Lawrence. He was coincidentally in Japan for some of the time that we were there and we got to know each other really well. We watched Sumo in Fukuoka together, we spent every Friday night together and then some for nine months, kareoked many songs together, skied Japanese slopes, and played countless Matty games together. Here's an example of a Matty game. "Hey, would y'all rather have a third leg that was really really heavy or have Gary Coleman sutured to your hip that every 20 minutes asked 'What you talkin' about Willis?'". We were also in San Diego at the same time and I am thrilled to say that I have seen an otherwise agile and swift division 1 soccer star tread water eating Cheetos in a San Diego bay because he fell overboard while snacking. I have met many of Matt's girlfriends, he always liked mine and Seth's opinions because "I want what you have" as he put it, and I have to say that Michelle is his soul mate, it is easy to see. She is as beautiful as he is, possibly more, and celebrating with these two was extra special.

Arriving in Colorado was so wonderful. It is a wildlife wonderland and you know how I love that. In the same five minutes I saw a wild sheep, big mountain goat thing, a fox, and an elk.

We stopped at a little mountain town for coffee.

We thought it would be a funny story to stay at the Stanley Hotel where The Shining was filmed. It was more creepy than funny and the ghosts totally possessed our daughter causing her to barrel roll in our bed both nights from 12 to 3:30 when we would have preferred that she, you know, slept.

Estes Park is a dreamy town. We found a Japanese sushi restaurant which we thought was a nice touch to commemorate fun memories with Matty. Here Amelia eats a goldfish while we eat raw fish.

Millie and me at the Stanley with a beautiful mountain back drop.

The National Park was just right next door so we saw the sights with Alex and Kim, who it was GREAT to have so much time with.

My sweet huuuuuzband was a part of the saber arch and was looking mighty fine that night. Grammy was thinking this was gonna get her a third grandbaby.

Beautiful couple!

This was such a beautiful and spirit-filled wedding. God's work was all around! They had the most unconventional readings that were so touching. I might, if I can find them, post them in a separate post. Matt and Michelle wrote their own vows and the part that touched me the most was, and I paraphrase, I will recognize, support, and honor your goals and dreams as if they are my own. So gorgeous.

This is handsome Pete, who was also coincidentally in Japan while we were there and who I love almost as equally as Matty. They are such special people. One day Pete will get his own post!

This my hotty in the saber arch. I like the mountain in the background.

Right, second behind Pete.

There he is!

And there he is with me hanging on him. Although it looks like I'm in pain, this is really just my "I love you SO much" face.

What a beautiful beautiful woman. I am so excited to get to know her.

She has such a joyful spirit. She giggled through the whole ceremony. It was delightful. I know I sound eighty, but that's just the best way to put it.

I love weddings. I just do. I cry at almost every one. It is such a fun time to fall in love again with your husband.

Especially when he dances like this.

I have one million pictures that look JUST like this-- the exact same expressions on both of us. We look mad. Ironically, this is what comes out when we are told to gaze at each other for a picture. I swear we really like each other. Like, a lot.

The Muller's are special people. They brought a nanny and we crashed. Becka kept Amelia during the wedding and their kids and ours had as much fun together as we had with each other this night. They live in Dallas so we are hoping for more dates with them soon.

It's a shame no one had any fun.

One of the best parts of the wedding was Matt's brother's best man speech. He talked about how difficult it was to be the younger brother to someone like Matt-- a division one soccer star, an academic whiz, flight surgeon of the year, a ladies man. He said it was like being the brother to Tom Brady, Doogie Howser, Rambo, and Jesus all in one. He said that he was thankful to his parents who despite all that never said "why can't you be more like your brother?". He wished he could say that of coaches, teachers, and even a couple of girls.

A stroll before we left with Drs. Schoofs. Love y'all!!

Congratulations, Matt and Michelle. You have so many blessings ahead of you. Can't wait to watch them unfold. The best is yet to come!

Dates

2011-05-31T11:30:00.002-07:00

Like most couples our favorite thing to do is date. Each other, of course. And with the addition of kids it becomes this mirage-like thing where you can kind of see it somewhere in the distance and you just hope you can make it long enough, despite the sea of diapers and goldfish, til you get to actually experience it's life giving rejuvenation. Oh the healing powers of flirting and conversations about...well, anything besides Old McDonald and his farm. It might sound hyperbolic, but not really. I need my husband. He is my very best friend, the best part of me. And lately we have had a lot of fun dates.

Our favorite date is to go to kareoke with Jessica. We belted it out all night long-- not well but well enough to get slaps on the back and want to do it again and again. And really, let's be honest, it's how we fell in love in Japan. The first time he hinted that he loved me was in a kareoke song dedicated to me, I Can't Help Falling in Love With You. Sigh.

For Seth's birthday we went to go see Willie Nelson. It was awesome. He sounds the same in Minnesota as he does in Texas. It took him a little while to get warmed up, arthritis perhaps.

And then , we went to go see Garrison Keillor, creator of Lake Woebegone. He's a legend and was therefore on our Minnesota bucket list. It had that old time story telling feel that Seth and I appreciate so much.

Family pic before we left.

Sonia took great care of Sy while we were in the cities. She put him to sleep with a Birds of Prey National Geographic movie. Cracked me up.

Farewell Side By Side

2011-05-31T11:30:00.001-07:00

I have spent most of my Friday mornings in Rochester learning, growing and evolving with the ladies of Side By Side, a large group of women, mostly physicians and physician's spouses who come together to learn about God and each other. I have been so blessed by the fellowship of these remarkable women. I have been challenged and humbled, encouraged and enlightened, confided in and prayed for, and usually all in one Friday morning.

We were not created to be on our journey alone and in these women I have found such great company, the Body we are called to be. There is something palpable about the spirit of a woman when she seeks other women to learn to see the Truth, whatever that may be for her that day. In this group I have found such honest vulnerability and general goodness that I fear it could never be replicated. So leaving last Friday was a sad day for me. I know I will wake up some Friday morning in Texas and wish so much that I was lugging two kids around in a snow storm trying to get to Bible Study on time.

Leaving is hard. It always is. But, I have such hope for our new beginning. (Aren't all beginnings new?) The girls that are leaving this year were acknowledged and prayed for, and as they laid their hands on me and prayed so specifically for our journey even down to our first friend in our new city, I felt encouragement. I was encouraged that having experienced such a well-working Body of Christ who does all the things Christ calls a church to do, nevermind that we are not a church, will just make it easier for me to replicate. Perhaps by starting my own chapter. College Station here we come!

Moving Day

2011-05-31T11:29:00.000-07:00

So, my words will never appropriately convey the hero that my dad is. It would be one thing if I were the only one that thought so, but I'm certain that my dad has been likened to a super hero on many different occasions by many different people. There are many dozens of people who have benefitted from his ability to fix and build anything (anything!). For example, an air conditioner or a ceiling fan. In Texas this takes you to immediate hero-dom. He'll buy a stranger's gas or groceries with a handshake, grin and slap on the back if they're in a pinch. He'll rescue stray animals even at the risk of rabies. You can count on him to keep the neighborhood safer, I've seen him authoritatively point that 357 a couple of times and with his bare hands bring someone three times his size to their knees. He's been known to take neighborhood kids in need of a little leadership under his perfect wing and teach them how to throw a fast ball, shoot a hook shot, or pop a wheeley. He's good with kids, teenagers, grown folks, a-holes, old people and animals. He'll buy your drinks, get you out of a bind, play with your baby, have your back, and give you thoughtful advice. He'll give a hiney pop if you need it and a lick even if you don't. And he's my dad. All of that stuff he would do for a stranger so you can imagine the mountains that he climbs for his wife, me, my husband, and our babies. It's down right excessive.

Moving us is just one tiny example, but that's what he has done most recently. Single handedly.

He spent the night on an airport floor due to a delay and showed up to MN to drive our UHaul back to TX. We had the truck waiting for him.

The Binnickers babysat and helped load.

Before.

After.

A hug before taking off.

See you at Scrimshaw!

Unloading with our family, the Nixons, who have been over the top, generous, amazing in this process as well.
Teamwork. Thirty years (plus?) worth of team work. THANK YOU will never be enough!!!!! Since he's been back, Dad, Mom and the Nixons have trimmed trees, spread mulch, built a rock path for the kids, got the internet and cable hooked up, painted a couple of rooms, cleaned, unpacked, used a chain saw on a pole for God's sake, and I'm sure a million other things I don't know about yet. And, all I can say is thank you. A shame, isn't it?!

Those are some happy grandparents! We are on our way!!!!!!

Uncle Sean and Aunt B

2011-05-31T11:25:00.002-07:00

Seth's family is huge especially compared to my... oh... three. I'm exaggerating, I have great cousins, but Seth has LOTS of great cousins and great cousins come from GREAT aunts and uncles. Our last couple of visits to Iowa we have been blessed to share time with Uncle Sean and Aunt B. Sean is Seth's godfather and since Seth has been out of state, out of the country or in training there has been little time for him to invest in as many relationships as he would like to, namely Sean. And, Becki and I have had so much fun getting to really know each other over facebook. There is not much better than a house filled with laughter and their's howls. Thank you, you two, for such fun friendship. Here's to lots more time together!

I don't see any weeds. All I see is beautiful, untamed, vibrant works of some of God's best art with just the right amount of wildness! Let 'em grow!

Aunt B and Millie became fast friends.
His Dood plus a tractor equals Sylas heaven.

Becki can't believe what a lover sweetheart Amelia is. Hee hee.

Night night, Sean and Becki. Let's do it again soon. Like in two weeks? OK!

TAKE 2!
This time Seth was there. And Sully! It was a perfect day to be together.

Amelia and Sully immediately got comfy and they didn't get too far from each other for the rest of the night except when Becki would steal her.

Seth was so excited to reconnect.

Juan shows us the ins and outs of his famous garden, birthplace of Juan O'Sullivan's.

Amelia ate half of Auntie Johna's plate. She knows good food when she sees it and Becki is a great cook.

Then the boys got out the instruments for a sing a long.

It was a dreamy night. Great food, fun family, outside on a perfect deck, with a great personalized concert and the most impressive of thunderstorms rolling in.

Becki started to spazz thinking we should have gone in way earlier, but no one could tear themselves away.

She bailed and went and tattled on us to my mom.

The first time Amelia came over she went to sleep playing with the fat, I mean love pillow, on Becki's arm. Becki was hoping for a repeat performance and she got it. It actually kind hurts the way Amelia does it, so I think this should be a testament to what a great Aunt B she is.

Aunt B gets her to sleep on the couch while we finish the U. B. S. game (that's an inside joke, the new uniforms really threw us off).

And we ended the night with a toast to Grandma Mary who loved the Cubs and of course all the people in the room. I hear the Cubs did something impressive that night, I wasn't paying attention.

We have joked that we will see more of each other in Texas and it wouldn't have to be much for that to be true. Sean travels a lot and Becki has already vowed to be there whether he's there or not. Fun times ahead. Love.

Thing 2 Update

2011-05-31T11:25:00.001-07:00

One of her first steps. It's from a couple of months ago, but I had to get it documented.

Here, she has a mouth full of dirt.

And... she's off!

Oh My Amelia.

You are HILARIOUS.

You move constantly. Is it a shark that even moves in its sleep, that can't ever be still? If so, your new nickname is Jaws.

*You started really motoring after Barb's wedding. You were taking steps a lot before that, but it was 9 months that you used walking to cover space, and now at 10 months you take little hurried steps that looks way too close to a run for my comfort.

* Anything and everything goes right into your mouth. You are pretty indiscriminate when it comes to things you shouldn't have. Peas, on the other hand, forget it. You eat dirt by the handfuls. You almost ate a worm. You did eat a rock. I can't do anything with you.

* It's amazing to me considering how "on the go" you are, how dang sweet you are. You just have the sweetest little spirit with laughs and giggles and flirts and babbles to charm the socks off of everyone you meet. Everyone comments on it.

* Your nickname, Millie Bop, has lent itself to many songs (Mill Mill She Bop She Bop, Mmmmm Bop!) and you dance when you hear one of them. You recognize them as yours immediately.

* You sign more, you say "uh oh" and "mama" and wave every time you hear the word "bye" "by" or "buy".

* You threw yourself out of your crib in a fit of rage. And boy can you get mad. A shriek accompanies your fit which somehow I find hilarious. Probably because you are just so darn sweet otherwise. I s'pose I like the spunk.

* You wrestle with the boys and won't have it any other way. Your belly laugh while doing it is my absolute favorite thing you do, although your wave is pretty darn cute.

* You got two little bottom teeth in your ninth month that you love to bite me with. You think it is hilarious to see me in pain. This is the first but not the last time you will hear me say "I hope you have one just like you". Getting your teeth was a surprise to us-- they just showed up. If I remember correctly Sylas made us all suffer and we were awaiting their arrival for a week or two.

* You are in the 41st percentile for length and the 21st for weight. Kind of a peanut. My peanut.

* We are girlfriends, you and me. I call you Sister.

* You like to hold hands, you don't know a stranger, clap for yourself all the time, point point point at what you find point worthy and that's a lot, and have the prettiest eyes I ever did see.

* I love you, Millie Bop. You are my sunshine.